Playoff Possibilities and more! Week 13!

It's the Final Regular Season Week

And some of you may be wondering, can I still get into the playoffs?  Is it  too late for me?  Can I get a first round bye?  I'm likely not going to be able to answer all of your questions, but I'll certainly try my best.

So, without further ado I present to you managers, friends - and the occasional clown - the For Reals Guys League playoff breakdown.

As It Stands Now

Let's go through these by current ranking then and see what happens.

Possible Outcomes:

#1 - DonJulios Underdogs:

• Playoffs are clinched!  The reigning champ currently holds the number one seed, and much like last year it seems to be based on a tie that could have been a loss.
• Worst Possible Outcome for you:
• You lose this game and finish 8-4-1. 
• Both The Rats Nest and Rip Lips win this week and finish 9-4. 
• You lose your first round bye as they will be a half game ahead of you.  This week is important for positioning. 
• Not great Outcome:
• You lose and The Rats Nest and/or Rip Lips ties, both teams are now 8-4-1.
• It's quite likely you will hold the Points For tiebreaker over Rip Lips (unless they score 80+ more than you and still tie.
• It's also quite likely you will not win the Points For tiebreaker against The Rats Nest. 
• In this case you would likely still keep a top-2 seed, so not a large worry.
• Really just focus on winning.  If you can't win then you have to hope at least one of The Rats Nest or Rip Lips loses for you to keep your spot.

#2 - The Rats Nest

• Playoffs clinched. Nothing else is set in stone.
• Read above for most possible outcomes.
• First seed requires a Underdogs loss and a win by The Rats Nest. 
• Third seed could happen from a loss and a win by both Rip Lips and Underdogs.
• Fourth seed could happen from a loss, a win by Mixed Thielens, and Mixed Thielens scoring 190 more than The Rats Nest (good luck).
• It is a lock for seed 1-4.

#3 - Rip Lips

• Top 3 seed with the highest points against, that's solid.
• Playoffs are clinched, division winner is clinched as well.
• Possibility to get a first round bye, you just need The Rats Nest to lose and for you to win, or for Underdogs to lose and your team to score 82+ their total for points tie breaker.
• You cannot fall below 3rd seed.
• Good luck in the playoffs dad!  You're gonna need it.

The Playoff Bubble:

From this point forward we have teams that are all very very close together.  So as opposed to doing this for each post I'm going to issue a few ground rules.

1. The absolute lowest possible W/L ratio to make the playoffs is going to be 6-7.  If you cannot make it to 6-7 you are out.
2. We will have at least two 7-6 teams, so if you can't make 7-6 you are going to have a hard time.
3. Andrew owns the points for tiebreaker as of now.  Points for is going to be very important to this determination.  

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

#4 - Mixed Thielens

• You've been on a tear and it has payed off.  You have made the playoffs after starting 1-5. 
• There is a very very outside chance you miss the playoffs.  Follow along this, if you will:
• You lose and drop to 7-6.
• Mustard Tigers, Burn Squad, and Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood all win, bringing them to 7-6.
• Burn Squad already owns the tiebreaker.
• Mustard Tigers scores 10 more points than you.
• Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood scores 62 more points than you.
• This will knock you out of the playoffs.
• There is almost no other way for you to lose your spot.  There also does not appear to be a path available for you to make the first round bye.

#5 - Burn Squad

• You are in a very precarious situation.
• You own the tie breaker on every bubble team, so there is a bit more to it than you lose and you are out.  However if you win you are in.
• You cannot get the first round bye.
• How you may lose your playoff spot:
• Lose to drop to 6-7.
• Mustard Tigers win.
• Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood and The Chorne Zhopas tie.  You are out.
• Whichever of Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood vs. The Chorne Zhopas win, will have a 7-6 advantage over you.
• You need to win this week, or lose and hope Mustard Tigers loses as well. If he wins and you lose, you will have an uphill battle.

#6 - Mustard Tigers

• You are the bubble. I strongly suggest you win this week.
• How it may be possible that you lose your spot:
• Lose this week to drop to 6-7.
• Burn Squad just needs to score within 70 points of your score win or lose and he is in.
• One of Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood or The Chorne Zhopas win their game, or they tie.
• You are out.
• This is rather simple, you must win, and depending on the outcome of The Chorne Zhopas and Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood you need to score within a range to stay in.
• If Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood wins you need to score within 52 points of their score to stay in.
• If The Chorne Zhopas win you need to score within 89 points of their score to maintain your spot.
• You are in the driver's seat, but you gotta make sure you're paying attention.  It's snowing outside and the transmission is acting up so don't blow it.

On the Outside

In the words of the ever-annoying, post-grunge, teenage angst-driven band Staind, "But I'm on the outside, I'm looking in."  There is a chance for a few of you, but it's small.  Here is what you need to get in.

#7 - Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood

• You've got a big matchup here against The Chorne Zhopas.   
• To get in here is what you must do:
• Tie/Beat The Chorne Zhopas. 
• If you win and Mustard Tigers lose, you will be in.
• If you win and Mustard Tigers win, you need to score 52+ what they score.
• If you tie and Mustard Tigers lose, you will be in.
• If you win, and mustard Tigers win, than you can take Burn Squad's place in the playoffs if he loses.
• So you're going to be hoping for a loss from Burn Squad or Mustard Tigers.  If either of them loses and you win, you're in.

#8 - The Chorne Zhopas

• Incredibly similar to Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood. Really, it may be the same.
• You need to win this week, or tie, and hope for a loss from Mustard Tigers or Burn Squad.  If this happens you are in. 
• You do not have the points necessary to win with a tie-breaker.

#9 - BB Baker's Boys

• This is complicated.  At 5-7 you need a ton of luck.  I mean a ton, this is miracle level.
• To get into the playoffs:
• Burn Squad loses, Mustard Tigers loses.
• You win.
• You will need to have the highest score I have seen to win, and hope that Mustard Tigers and Burn Squad really falls flat.
• Burn Squad has 200+ points over you.  Mustard Tiger has 130+ points over you.  
• If The Chorne Zhopas and Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood tie, you're out.
• I'm gonna be straight forward here, it's not likely.  However a little bit of hope can pay off sometimes.

Game Over Man, Game Over

Anyone past this point is eliminated. Fight for some positioning and try to knock the winner down a notch.  Please continue setting your lineup.  I would appreciate that.  I know it's rough but there is integrity I must have.  You can of course still pick up free agents, trades will be closed after this week so I don't expect any to happen.

Things of Interest

• Clearly the game between Yuriy and D-Smith is the most important game this week.  One of them will likely be getting into playoffs.
• The East is once again on the verge of sending 3 teams to the playoffs. Go division.
• Alex is in the top 5 of scoring and has missed the playoffs.  Sucks man, luck was not on your side.
• The North has 3 teams in the bottom 5 for points for.
• The East has 3 teams in the top 6 for points for.
• There appears to be a correlation between moves made and points scored in a season.  The top 4 in moves made are in the top 5 for points scored. The lowest moves made appear to be out of playoffs, barring D-Smith and Matt getting in.
• It's hard to understand how wrong Post draft rankings are on ESPN.
• 
  

For a bit of a throwback:

\

Good Luck, I'll See You Cats in the Playoffs.

Week 9 Recap!

Playoff Picture:

So it's about that time, one week out of the second round of divisional matchups.  Everyone is probably wondering, can I make the playoffs?  Who do I have to root for?  Who needs to win, and who needs to lose? I'm going to do a bit of a breakdown here so you have a better idea of what is needed each week.  I'll be doing it by Division.

East:

First we can see a clear lead for the division.  Now there is four games left (counting this week which just started) and the furthest behind is 3 games back.  That means anyone can win the division, but things aren't as simple as winning and losing out.

Nic:

I can't lose out, I can only safely lose 1 game with someone else winning every game they play. If I am unable to win the division I can still get into one of the two wildcard spots, but both wildcard teams currently (Ory and D Smith) are only 1 game back from my record, with the third wildcard being 2 games back.  Something that may be important should I become a wildcard team:  I lead the league in points for (something I'll touch on later too).  With divisional matchups upcoming both Matt and Andrew cannot win out, so it will be important that I beat whoever wins their matchup which happens in week 10.

Best Record Possible: 10-3

Worst Record Possible: 6-7

Matt and Andrew:

You have the same record so I will lump you in together.  Right now you are both 2 games behind the division lead, and 1 game behind the wildcard berth.  Andrew has more points for than the two wildcard teams with a better record, but less points for than Cone who has the same record as you.   This means you'll need to beat the record of D Smith or Ory, or score more points for than Cone without losing more games.  Good news, Cone plays D Smith so one of them must lose. You really cannot afford to lose 2 games, especially as your next game is against Matt who is right in the thick of things with you. Next week will likely be your most important game of the season.

Best Record Possible: 8-5
Worst Record Possible: 4-9

Matt you are in prime position this week to tie the record with Ory for the wildcard position. You have a head-to-head matchup with him, and he's been hit pretty hard with byes.  Matt you are near the bottom of the league in points for so you need to win games to get in, you cannot rely on a tiebreaker.  A win this week, and a win next week will put you in prime position for the wildcard, especially considering that D Smith and Cone play each other in the next upcoming weeks.  You will want to root for D Smith to beat Cone, so that you can surpass his record with a few wins.

Best Record Possible: 8-5
Worst Record Possible: 4-9

Val:

You've got a heck of an uphill battle.  You're 3 games back with 4 games left.  Not every team in front of you can lose all their games, they face each other so someone has to win.  For the division title, you would need me to lose all 4 games.  Unfortunately that means that both Andrew and Matt win at least one, and one of them would win 2.  So you would be hoping for something like this: all division opponents lose this week, Matt beats Andrew, you beat me.  Matt beats me, you beat Andrew. Andrew beats me, you beat Matt all the while you are outscoring Matt every single week. That's tough. Maybe it's more likely you try and get in the wildcard. Still difficult but much more likely. So for that I'll let you know, you're 1 full game behind Cone, 2 full games behind Ory and D Smith.  You're also 0.5 games behind Alex.  You do not hold the tie breaker over anyone. That doesn't make it impossible, but it certainly makes it hard. To hold any chance I honestly believe you need to win out, or at the very least do not lose 2 games.

Best Record Possible: 7-6
Worst Record Possible: 3-10

West:

Gary (Dad):

Well you got yourself a team here huh?  You're currently one of the two teams locked in for a bye, and your top 3 in points for.  Only thing you need to be worried about is that in the top 3, you're number 3.  That means to hold onto your bye week you need to keep winning, don't tie records with either Jake or Nic.  Or score more points, whichever works better for you.  You can hold onto your playoff spot fairly easily.  To lose the division you need to lose at least 3 with Ory losing out.  You could theoretically lose to Alex as well because he has the tie, if he wins out and you lose out then you're hoping for a wildcard.  

Best Record Possible: 11-2
Worst Record Possible: 7-6

Ory:

You hold a wildcard currently.  Hold it tight, to get the division lead you may not lose more than 2 games. Realistically you can't lose more than 1 as you don't have the points for tie breaker over my dad and you'd need to score 25+ more than him every week just to make up the difference.  To hold the wildcard it's a bit simpler. Beat Alex, that's important.  Beat Matt, that's important.  Root for Andrew to lose out, and lose less than 2 games and you should be in.  You've got a path as long as it doesn't blow up.  You've also got Mahomes back and that should make things a skosh easier. 

Best Record Possible: 9-4
Worst Record Possible: 5-8

Alex:

You know, you hold the tiebreaker over every non-division leader.  You just need to get the record to get into the playoffs. So if Cone is 4-5 and in the wildcard that means you need to get above him.  Guess what opportunity you have this week?  You can beat Cone!  You can get that spot over him.  Of course your brother and Matt both stand in the way of this working out perfectly, but you control your destiny.  The only chance you have of getting the division lead is slim, you gotta win every game from this point forward, and my dad has to lose every game, and Ory can't win 2 more etc.  Think about that wildcard, and pull out all stops to win this week. This is make or break for you.

Best Record Possible: 7-5-1
Worst Record Possible: 3-9-1

Chris P:

You're in a similar spot as Val, except it's slightly more bleak for you because my dad is 7-2.  That means you need for him to lose out, Alex to beat Ory, and both Alex and Ory losing divisional matchups.  You would also need my dad's team to completely fall apart and score almost nothing for 4 weeks straight as your behind him by over 200 points for.  That's rough. Aim for a wildcard, you're only 1 game back from.  You want all wildcard teams to lose, so you should be rooting for everyone at the top of a division to beat up on their opponents while you win out. Good luck.

Best Record Possible: 7-6
Worst Record Possible: 3-10

North:

Jake:

You've got a first round bye in your hands right now. You're only holding on to it by a tie, which seems suspiciously similar to last year.  You're also second in points for by a whopping .6 points.  That's right, less than 1 whole point.  It's close.  So you've got the division opponent that is closest to you in record.  D Smith needs to win 1.5 more games than you for you to lose it.  That means, you need to win at least 2.5 games, so 2 wins and a tie to completely hold on and that's only assuming that D Smith wins out.  Because you have two wildcard teams in your division currently you have a difficult upcoming schedule, and you're only a 0.5 game lead on the bye.  So it'll come down to the wire.

Best Record Possible: 10-2-1
Worst Record Possible: 6-6-1

D-Smith:

You don't own points for, you need to win 2 more games than Jake.  That means you need Jake to lose 3, and you need to win 4.  Focus on the wildcard, you currently are tied with Ory for the top wildcard positions.  You however do not own the tiebreaker over Cone or Ory, or for that matter Andrew or Alex.  You've got to win some games, theoretically you've got to win at least 3, and the Cone game is going to be your most important of the rest of the year (outside Jake losing a couple times).  You have a clear path, but a late season collapse could easily be your downfall.

Best Record Possible: 9-4
Worst Record Possible: 5-8

Cone:

I'm going to keep this very simple for you Cone.  Win 3 or more games out of the next 4.  Do that and you are in.  You have an AWFUL bye week this week, and Alex is gunning for your position.  Lose this week and you are out and he is in. So I'll stress that importance again.  You do however hold the tiebreaker over everyone but Alex and the division leaders, so again win 3 and you'll likely be in no matter what.

Best Record Possible: 8-5
Worst Record Possible: 4-9

Yuriy:

It's tough man, 3-6 ain't the place to be.  3.5 games back means you gotta win out and Jake's gotta lose out and both divsion opponents need to...... That's likely not to happen.  You gotta win out though if you want a chance at that wildcard. You own the points for tiebreaker over almost no one, so you gotta bring your A-game.  One loss and I think you might be able to call it, so be prudent.

Best Record Possible: 7-6
Worst Record Possible: 3-10.

Objective Power Rankings:

Week 7 Recap!

Power Rankings - The Return

Alright, so last couple weeks there has been no power rankings, this week they are back.  This week I'm gonna break it down a little more than just the normal power rankings.

So, going by my previous Power Rankings formula of simply taking points for leaders, this is what the Power Rankings would look like:

1. Jake Yorke (previously 2)
2. Nic Meyer (previously 1)
3. Alex Gomez (previously 4)
4. Ory Yaslinskiy (previously 6)
5. Chris Cone (previously 5)
6. Gary Meyer (previously 3)
7. Daniel Smith (previously 9)
8. Andrew Gomez (previously 10)
9. Yuriy Yedinak (previously 7)
10. Matt Burke (previously 12)
11. Chris Pender (previously 8)
12. Valeriy Shishkin (previously 11)

A couple jumps here: 

• Jake took the number 1 spot, so reigning champ is now also number 1 in power rankings.
• Alex has moved from number 12 to number 3 in just 4 weeks.
• Chris Pender has moved from number 3 to number 11 in just 5 weeks.
• Val went from number 6 all the way to number 12 in 4 weeks.

What's the difference in all of these teams then?

Val:

• Sucks to lose Drew Brees for sure, maybe he can return and get you back into a fighting position. 
• At 3-4 you aren't scoring many points, however you can still get to 9-4, which theoretically would guarantee you a playoff spot.
• You got Melvin Gordon back, and arguably it has made your team worse. 
• You had a bunch of bye weeks happen, and Juju had Develin Hodges pretending to throw the ball.
• Honestly, having the Pats D/ST and being last in PF feels like a feat in itself.  In a way, I'd like to congratulate you.

Alex:

• Something I would like to point out to this league with very few trades is that, you had one that has worked out quite well.  Carson has shown up and been a very large reason for some of your success.
• Chubb has been great for you, quietly having a fantastic season.
• Adams has been out which makes this climb in the rankings more impressive.
• Golden Tate came back and has looked pretty good with Danny Jones throwing him the ball.
• Ekeler surprisingly had one down game but has still looked very solid otherwise.
• Once again you have picked up a Bengals receiver that is doing wonderful things for you.

Chris Pender:

• Zeke has turned it on, but only in the last two weeks.  Other than that he has been "okay."
• Very surely, Landry has only had one great game with a bunch of bad weeks otherwise.
• Kelce has not been showing that he is worth a 2nd round pick, and now Mahomes is out for some time presumably.
• Kerryon Johnson really wrecked your RB corp.  He didn't perform all that well, and then he goes and hits IR.  
• Since Week 5 your D/ST has scored a grand total of -4 points.  Yes, this is combined.
• Sammy Watkins dropped a sweet 0 in your lineup and then got injured.
• Duke Johnson appears to be fairly useless as somehow Hyde has popped in and been the better back.

Jake:

• I'm not going to give you a whole lot. Godwin, Diggs, Cook, Wilson, and Jones have looked fantastic.
• Interesting note: Godwin seems to do better when the Buccs lose.  Maybe though, it means when the Buccs throw to Godwin more often, they lose. 
• Val asked me to quote him for this portion.  "Jake you suck."
• Thus far when you've had poor weeks from any position players Wilson has bailed you out. 
• You did lose to Val.  Interesting that number 1 ranked lost to number 12.  His bench was better too.  Any Given Sunday?  Or a sign of things to come?

Of Note:

• Daniel scored 116.  He beat a higher team on the depth chart. If Daniel had played his idea lineup though he would have scored 192.  If he had scored 192, he would have been 5th in points for and down by less than a single point from 4th and 3rd.  You missed Rodgers best game despite using him as a namesake.
• Andrew made a trade, and he is looking like he may be able to make a heck of a second half surge. 
• Matt is following the usual trajectory of starting absolutely awful and then suddenly looking unbeatable.  Could be scary.
• No one is a lock for playoffs yet, and no one is mathematically out.  At this point there is parity, but a slide if you already have over 4 losses could be devastating.

Division Power Rankings:

1. North
2. West
3. East

These are decided by adding together everyone's ranks and putting the lowest score at the top.  North teams are all in the top 10, and of course Jake is number 1.  West division is closer in ranks to each other, but they do have Chris Pender at 11.  East division has me at number 2, then the other 3 teams are all in the bottom five.  

Altogether, I still think PF is the best way to do Power Rankings because it removes luck.  According to ESPN these are the projected finishes:

1. Jake
2. Gary
3. Nic
4. Daniel
5. Alex
6. Ory
7. Cone
8. Andrew
9. Yuriy
10. Matt
11. Val
12. Pender

This is what ESPN started with:

1. Cone
2. Daniel
3. Gary
4. Yuriy
5. Pender
6. Andrew
7. Ory
8. Matt
9. Val
10. Alex
11. Nic
12. Jake

I'm gonna wrap up here because it is late and I've been writing all day.  Expect some themed blog writing back next week, and please continue to play and make trades. You all make watching football fun for me.  Good luck next week!

Week 6 Recap!

 LOOKING AT MATCH-UPS

This week I'm going back to something a bit more normal. First off, I have to inform everyone that because of the state of social media today I can no longer easily find gifs from this weeks games.  If anyone knows of a source that would be great but I'm not counting on it.  Instead, I have to sink real low.  I have to embed tweets.  You have been warned.

Seahawks receivers celebrated a TD with the @NSYNC Bye Bye Bye dance.pic.twitter.com/TRt1HNGTtd

— NFL Update (@MySportsUpdate) October 13, 2019

❄️ CMC JUST SO ICY ❄️ pic.twitter.com/tURp0bNsYw

— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) October 13, 2019

Don't want to defend Diggs?

You're going to regret that decision. pic.twitter.com/lQ0zfOHOLt

— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) October 13, 2019

Week 6 is in the books. That means we are just about halfway through (13 weeks regular season, that means at halftime of the 1pm games were halfway through... I think).  Things are starting to shake out.  We still have a (technically) undefeated team, and one team with only 1 win.  To give you a feeling of how things could play out, and to remind you that it's still early I will say this.

Jake at 5-0-1 could still finish at 5-7-1.  Matt at 1-5 could still finish 8-5.  Anyone can make the playoffs still, and anything can happen.  Last year at this time Chubb still wasn't starting.  Last year at this time we thought Jake's team was done for, and he won the championship.

Weird Coincidences:

• Both Andrew and Alex are first and second (respectively) in points against. Our league is really bullying the Gomez bros.
• Cone holds the last wildcard spot at this moment, less than 0.5 games ahead of Alex.  Alex's team is a top 5 scoring team in the league.
• Alex campaigned heavily to remove ties in the league by implementing decimal point scoring.  Alex was a part of the only tie this season.  If we had not implemented decimal point scoring, Alex would have won with a score of 150-149.  
• Mr Rodgers Neighborhood has really been Mr. Brady's Neighborhood.  That is a terrifying place. Tom Brady kisses all of children directly on the lips.  It looks strange.
• Val has, by far, the most overperforming player of the year in NE D/St.  He still didn't score over 100.

ONTO CINCINNATI. 

Greenbowl Packers versus The Chorne Zhopas

via Gfycat

Much like the older punk (Broncos fan) in this picture emerges from nowhere, Yuriy's team seemed to emerge from nowhere. At 2-4 Yuriy has been... well like James Conner really, not matching expectations. This week was different though, and in another strange parallel Yuriy beat down Val proving that Ukraine is superior, and that the Steelers are better than the Chargers after all.

I mean, Yuriy literally started the only QB that looked worse than Winston yesterday in Goff, the guy that couldn't hit 100 yards passing and Val still couldn't find the relief aid that Yuriy was dropping to his team.  Yuriy's team also showed up and did a good job.  An interesting aspect of this, that I would certainly like to note is that Yuriy dropped $40 FAAB for that sweet sweet 2.9 points.  Well spent.

Yuriy wins 137.6 to 95.5 (not even enough to make a Nick Lachey reference).


Mustard Tigers versus DonJulios Underdogs

This gif represents what happened when Mason Crosby hit his first field goal of the night on Monday. I know in the back of Ory and Jake's mind there was a thought that maybe, just maybe, Crosby would miss a few kicks and Ory would pull out that <1pt victory.  Well it didn't happen.  And any excuse I can make for Ory can be automatically get kicked back.  You may ask why, and I'll tell you why. Because Jake left Diggs' only complete blow up of a game for the year on his bench.  That means no excuses.

This game was a representation between the two top team in divisions that aren't my own, and I'm happy to say that one of them lost.  Can we make this a streak for Ory?  We'll see.

Jake beats Ory 143.6 - 132.1

Mr Rodgers Neighborhood versus Football Cream

TYREEK HILL SNAG 😧 #SCtop10 #HOUvsKC (via @NFL) pic.twitter.com/V7YUviBVay

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) October 13, 2019

I choose this gif, ahem Tweet (what have I become....), because to me this Tweet represents where Alex is at right now.  Alex is a team that is short of wins, has never won a championship, and jumped well past his height to score well and beat a team.

Side note: Alex has both Golden Tate and Auden Tate on his team. If you haven't heard, Au is the chemical nomenclature for...Gold.  This means, if we believe in math, that he has Golden Tate and Goldden Tate. Shiny.

Alex has pulled together two wins in a row, is probably feeling pretty confident, and maybe a bit excited.  Well, you're still the really small dude (in wins, not necessarily height. Might be both, I don't think I know how tall you are) chipping away at the feet of people that have won championships.  Keep pushing and maybe you'll get there. Maybe.

Alex wins 157.1 - 129.6

Burn Squad versus BB Baker's Boys

How in the world did Mike Evans drop this? Jameis Winston put it right on the money. He just cost the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at least 3 points here. pic.twitter.com/SSqnprfqvC

— Jimmy Clarke (@JimmyClarke) October 13, 2019

You know Andrew, I'll be completely honest this isn't fully fair.  Every other winning team has gotten a gif based on their team.  Unfortunately, my gif for this game is based upon Chris' team.  Chris could have won if he played Metcalf and Cousins, and unfortunately for him he dropped the open pass.

Andrew, I feel like for every player that gets healthy on your team another one drops out.  Your WR corp is absolutely phenomenal, but they can't seem to stay on the field at the same time.  Hill comes back and out goes Amari with what I've hear described as "the worst pain he's ever felt." You can Google that quote, but I just made it up.  With that said, Andrew you're still the real loser here.  You have two kickers on your team and one of them isn't even on bye.

Andrew wins 128.9 - 114.4

Rip Lips versus Mixed Thielens

“They can’t fuckin’ stop us” - Carlos Hyde, who already fumbled today pic.twitter.com/EuuTf4cdvD

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) October 13, 2019

This should be clear.  Not only do you have Hyde on your team dad, but I could also see you yelling this exact same thing into a camera after running fast for less than 10 seconds.

Really though, your team is looking dominant. Kupp didn't perform and you still put up 140+.  Hooper is a lot better than my previous text messages to you would suggest, and I'll admit so far I've been wrong. I still wonder if he falls back to Earth, but maybe not.

Matt, you've got potential kid.

Oscar wins 146.8 - 118.1

F-Town CharkAttacks versus The Rats Nest

❄️ CMC JUST SO ICY ❄️ pic.twitter.com/tURp0bNsYw

— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) October 13, 2019

This gif represents the only thing my team did well, CMC touchdowns. 

Look I'm pretty sure I just ran into a voodoo curse because Chris changed his name for the first time ever.  He changes his name and WRs on my team cease to exist completely with ESPN only giving them scores because they're confused as to why the WRs are no longer on the teams.

Something like that.

I played Hilliman, admittedly that was getting cute and pretty dumb.  David Johnson for sure killed me though, if he didn't score that last TD I think I actually could have won.  What do I know though.

Chris wins 119.7 - 107.4

Week 4 Recap!

WEEK 4 RECAP

Every Division Compared to an NFL Division

West:

The division you guys most resemble is the wonderful NFC West. So let's take a look at your guys standings:

Now let's take a look at the NFC West:

So, I think we should all see some immediate correlations.  The 49ers are undefeated, but probably only because they haven't played in the 4th week.  In fact they took the 4th week off much like Orest Yaslinskiy's team decided to.  If Ory had a bye last week he would probably be 3-0.  

The Seahawks to me most resemble Rip Lips, my Dad's team.  He's lost and won some close ones, even when clearly it should not have been that way.  Week 1 he gets stomped surprisingly by Ory's team (Seahawks vs. Saints), and he just barely passed by Chris' team (Seahawks vs. Bengals) despite being booked as the better team.  He also got to put the winless team out of their misery, but didn't do it nearly as easily as the Seahawks.  This of course is when he beat Alex's team.

The Rams are going to most clearly resemble Chris' team.  Chris last year had a gigantic start and looked like the new hot stuff.  It didn't pay out in the end, but it was a fun ride while it lasted.  This year shaky QB play and underperformance by what should be good WRs has changed the course, and despite some success this team looks to be middling, and that might be the worst.

Cardinals.  Winless, and with a tie.  Alex you get the dubious honors of being the Cardinals.  Yeah you've gone against good teams.  Hell you tied against what is surprisingly one of the better teams in the league.  But you still haven't got a win.  I guess that .125 win percentage is better than a .000 but after putting in for the rules change that has to hurt.  The main difference I see here is that the Cardinals are rebuilding and may have hope for the future.  You are in a redraft league and need to do something.  It's not too late, but it ain't looking good either.

North:

Despite your name, which means absolutely nothing if we're all being honest, the team your division most resembles is the NFC South.  Weird strange division that one.  

Now the NFC South:

Maybe some differences here, but if not for .1 of a point, maybe not...  

Jake is clearly The Saints, on his second QB who is actually doing fairly well for the team.  He's got some elite talent at the RB and WR position, and it's working but the pieces behind the front runners are not consistently putting up.  I may not have seen Jake in over a year, but I remember him looking exactly like this:

Cone, you remind me of the Buccaneers.  First and foremost you both have Mike Evans on your team.   Secondly, you both have an RB with the last name of Jones.  Third, your both 2-2 and not living up to the pre-week 1 hype that I had assigned to your team.  Fourth, after starting off incredibly weak, you are now coming off a 2 game win streak.  Keep it going and you too can eat some W's.

D Smith, you are the Panthers.  You're on you backup QB who is arguably better than your first QB but just doesn't have the same point-scoring potential that comes with the original starter.  Your RBs backing up Freeman that aren't on the 49ers is effectively 0 (Yes, Peterson exists but that's why I used the word "effectively).  You've been hit with some injuries that are costly for sure.  You've also had a defense that is underperforming despite elite talent.  Maybe you'll come back around, maybe you'll just keep looking respectful.  We will see.

Yuriy, I'm certain you understand that you get the Falcons.  You've got an elite WR that is not helping you get wins.  Your QB should be doing alright but is scared of getting sacked.  You only won in week 2.  You aren't putting up absolutely terrible scores, but we knew from kickoff what was going to happen.  Are we looking at a late season turnaround, or is what we see what we get?

East:

So something about this blog I wasn't certain about was how conferences would play a role.  It turns out that we aren't doing any AFC teams.  It's all NFC all the way.  Our division gets the NFC North.  

It won't be abundantly clear when looking at the NFC North why that is, but here is the NFC North:

So clearly I'm going to be the Greenbay Packers.  Because like Aaron Rodgers, there is some consideration that my team could be good. 

Val is the Bears.  Val is the Bears because they should have the same win percentage as he does.  The Bears should be 2-2.  As pained as I am to say it, the Bears beating the Broncos was simply down to officiating.  They have reason to be mad.  Val, your team has reason to be mad.  That reason is that your team just simply is not doing well.  Somehow you've made it to 2-2 despite being 11th ranked in points for.  This is just like the Bears being 3-1 despite terrible offense.  Just like the Bears you have what seems to be the best defense in the league as well, only yours is called the Patriots and unrelated to former Oakland Raiders standouts.

Andrew, you are the Minnesota Vikings.  I say that because despite having some of the strongest WRs in the game, they are mostly showing up as absent.  The reasons are different, the Vikings just don't actually pass the ball, for your team its that injuries cropped up fast and hard.  You'll have good weeks from one of your WRs and your RB seems pretty steady, but at 1-3 maybe you need to make some sort of change.

Matt you are the Lions.  You only look really good when Marvin Jones Jr. looks really good.  Your team is solid and can give good teams a run for their money, but they can also look pretty poor against an awful team and let defeat come from the jaws of victory.  On the real, I still think your team looks good but for some reason just refuses to show up.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Nic Meyer (Previously 1)
2. Jake Yorke (Previously 4)
3. Gary Meyer (Previously 5)
4. Alex Gomez (This looks bad for my formula) (Previously 12)
5. Chris Cone (Previously 7)
6. Orest Yaslinskiy (Previously 3)
7. Yuriy Yedinak (Previously 8)
8. Chris Pender (Previously 10)
9. Daniel Smith (Previously 9)
10. Andrew Gomez (Previously 2)
11. Val Shishkin (Previously 6)
12. Matty B (Previously 11)

Good luck next week everybody!

Week 3 Recap!

Week 3 Recap!

Answers to Last Weeks Blog:

1. Greenbowl Packers - Your NFL team is..... The Green Bay Packers. 
2. MBs 3rd Annual Shitshow - Your NFL team is..... The Miami Dolphins.
3. Squidward's Revenge - Your NFL team is..... The Washington Redskins.
4. Mustard Tigers - Your NFL team is..... The Baltimore Ravens.
5. BB Baker's Boys -  Your NFL team is..... The Cleveland Browns.
6. Rip Lips - Your NFL team is..... The Chicago Bears.
7. Football Cream - Your NFL team is..... The Pittsburgh Steelers.
8. DonJulios Underdogs - Your NFL team is..... The Houston Texans.
9. Mr Rodgers Neighborhood - Your NFL team is..... The Los Angeles Chargers.
10. The Chorne Zhopas - Your NFL team is..... The Tennessee Titans.
11. Fresno Facecleaters - Your NFL team is..... The Denver Broncos.
12. The Rats Nest - My NFL team is..... The New England Patriots. (which actually feels nasty to type).

Andrew will be rewarded for being the only correct guess.  How he will be rewarded, you should just wait and see.

If Your Team Was a Horror Movie

Because it will be October by the next time I do another blog, I am presenting to you this piece.  I will tell you what the movie is, and justification.  If you disagree, then maybe I will question your opinion of not only the movie, but of fantasy as well.

DonJulios Underdogs

The horror movie I believe your team compares to is The Blair Witch Project.  Your team is comprised of players that have become the new "fads."  Like The Blair Witch Project jump started found footage horror movies, your team has jump started Dalvin Cook as the best RB and Mark Andrews as a top TE.  In the Blair Witch Project everyone thought the footage was real and it ended up being a smash hit, and you are 3-0 thus far, a smash hit. On your team the pieces that were proven in the past ended up being the worst parts with Stefon Diggs, Damien Williams, and Tarik Cohen massively underperforming.  In this case, Julio Jones is the witch's house, a tried and true jump scare that still worked wonderfully.  Hopefully your team does not leave you staring into a corner at the end of the season.

Mustard Tigers

Your movie is a classic, Alien. It seems like in both this movie and your team there is something picking apart your crew one-by-one.  It started with Antonio Brown, then it got Michael Gallup, then it got Devin Singletary, then it got Le'Veon Bell (in this case, he isn't injured but Sam Darnold got mono so what can you do).  Each week your top scorers change, much like the Alien finds new places to hide on the Nostromo.  Also, much like the movie, their is absolutely one main character.  Patrick Mahomes is your Ripley.  Patrick Mahomes is literally Sigourney Weaver.

The Rats Nest

If you know my movie preferences, you already absolutely know what I'm choosing for the undefeated season I am currently holding onto.  My movie is The Thing from 1982.  My team and the movie both have the best director in their perspective genres and leagues.  Both the movie and my team are solid the whole way through, and even the supporting cast seems to be putting up solid numbers.  I clearly have my Kurt Russell in Christian McCaffrey, and I also have my Wilford Brimley in Darren Waller.  He's the truth, but sometimes I have to leave him outside (on my bench).  

Rip Lips

If I didn't know how much you like fishing, I would just assume that your name was a reference to a horror movie.  However because I know better, I will say that your team most reminds me of Halloween (1978).  Thus far this season you have been barely scraping by, you've won by 0.9 (which isn't even an integer), and just under 6 points.  They both came down to the wire.  Your team is winning, but it doesn't have urgency, just like Michael Myers always walks to chase his victims.  You're always in it, even when the opponent thinks they have lost you, you somehow manage to show up on a Monday night and beat them anyway.  

Greenbowl Packers

Wildly successful this far through the season, yet showing clear weakness and faults.  That sounds like Paranormal Activity This team might have convinced a few that it was real, but it heavily relied on effects and conventions of the past that just really don't quite hit home.  With that said though, they have both shown to be successes to this point, defying any logical conclusions that could be made. Your team also probably scares Yuriy, and I know Paranormal Activity scared him.  Your team is "spooky" in the sense that anyone that is unsure of exactly how fantasy football is going might be scared of it.

Fresno Facecleaters

Your division has 3 teams at 1-2.  So therefore I will immediately see your division as the battle of the "Slashers."  That is to say, these next three teams (including yours) are the teams that aren't the cream-of-the-crop, they feature bad acting and completely unbelievable stories, but people choose them as their favorite time and time again.  Anyhow, your team is the Nightmare on Elm St. in this category.  It's got what should be the best movie of any of them (your week 3 would be the best score), a close loss, a loss to the best team in your division.  The original Nightmare on Elm Street is your week 3, a strong showing that should cement your ability to be a long lasting force.  The other performances were both losses and mixed.  You should feel good coming out on top of this bunch.

The Chorne Zhopas

Coming in second in the battle of the slashers is Yuriy's team, otherwise known as The Chorne Zhopas.  Your movie is Friday the 13th.  You are Jason, well known but definitely not the top of your class.  You're unwilling to change and refuse to see when the things in front of you are in need of change.  How many times have you sat their wandering if Crystal Lake is really where you wanted to be chained the rest of your life?  Well, this year your Crystal Lake is Joe Mixon. He certainly looks good when the moon hits him at the right time of night on the right day of the year, but otherwise he isn't doing too hot.  You're also not quite up to par with your competition as Nightmare on Elm St. is the better franchise, but you did get a head-to-head.  Unfortunately, unlike Freddy Vs. Jason, there was never a point in which you thought you might have won.

Mr Rodgers Neighborhood

Well, your team comes in last in the slasher category.  Your team most reminds me of the movie, The Burning. This movie desperately wanted to be as big as the other two, and it had some promise.  Unfortunately the movie fell well short by carrying around the dead-weight actresses that may have looked good, and dumping off what was clearly the best actor in the movie.  Allow me to elaborate.  In the Burning, almost all of the acting is just absolute garbage.  They get leading actresses who may have looked great by 1980s standards, but they just could not perform.  However The Burning did get lucky in the fact that it managed to nab a great actor in one of the first role's in his career, Jason Alexander (George Costanza).  But much like Saquan Barkley has been removed from your team much too early, Jason Alexander was removed from this team much too early.  Albeit his removal was with gardening tools.  

BB Baker's Boys

In your second year your team reminds me a lot of The Conjuring 2.  Your team is the sequel to something that came out of nowhere and managed to be pretty good and wildly successful. Sure you didn't win any awards, but you came out of the gates hot.  Your sequel shows potential, but it is disappointing considering how your last year went.  The Conjuring 2 had some holes and some terrible CGI, which is surprising because The Conjuring 1 was able to make low-budget (late-round picks) special effects work with high budget (early round) acting.  This time your actors are slightly worse (Zeke is not performing as Kamara was last year), and your effects clearly lack the heart and smarts to succeed (Browns are not playing smart).  Hopefully, like the film franchise, this early misstep will not hurt complete success of the franchise. 

Mixed Thielens

As your team name this year is constantly changing, I think it's only right to name your team after the horror movie comprised of the most bi-polar consistently changing family family, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.  This movie is a sequel to what is considered one of the most horrifying movies of all time (in this case I'm using it because you have won a championship), and it takes it in a completely new direction but with familiar faces.  Leatherface returns (Greg Olsen), as well as his brother (Big Ben) albeit with a brand new personality.  The family is all there, but with a new face face, Dennis Hopper (DeAndre Hopkins) that really ties it all together and makes the movie wildly entertaining.  Much like your team this movie has a new family member involved in the action in each scene.  One scene it may be Leatherface, in the next it is his brother, then his grandpa, then his dad, even the mom gets involved.  So far your team has had success in much the same way,  Maybe that means Sony will pop up here eventually.

Burn Squad and Football Cream

Look I recognize you each deserve your own spot on this list.  I recognize you are both individuals that have put a lot of effort and work into this.  I recognize that you both have the capability to be at the top of this list and have proven in the past that you can be.  But because you two are the only winless teams and combine of a sweet 0-6, I'm gonna put you here together.  And I'm going to give you a movie that few have seen.  Your two team are the Dead Ringers. This is a horror movie made by David Cronenberg.  Yes, this means I recognize your ability to put together absolutely great teams.  However, this time I think you've missed the mark and made something boring.  Also this movie involves two twin brothers that operate as OBGYNs (two different brothers but they pretend to be the same person) and despite wanting to show their differences they end up more similar than they could have imagined.  I don't recommend this movie, Cronenberg has done much better.  Just like I don't recommend your teams, you've both done much better. 

POWER RANKINGS

1. Nic Meyer (Previously 1)
2. Andrew Gomez (Previously 8)
3. Ory Yaslinskiy (Previously 3)
4. Jake Yorke (Previously 2)
5. Gary Meyer (Previously 9)
6. Val Shishkin (Previously 11)
7. Chris Cone (Previously 7)
8. Yuriy Yedinak (Previously 10)
9. Daniel Smith (Previously 6)
10. Chris Pender (Previously 4)
11. Matt Burke (Previously 12)
12. Alex Gomez (Previously 5)

GOOD LUCK NEXT WEEK

Week 2 Recap!

Does Art Emulate Life, or Does Life Emulate Art?

(Otherwise known as: NFL Teams closest to your own).

The Rats Nest - 

Much like the NFL team that my team resembles, I am 2-0.  I use a plethora of running backs, you could say I use three in a RBBC.  Also much like this team, I have no idea if Antonio Brown will last the full season and it is rather important that he does.  Like this NFL team I have beaten what should have been a strong opponent soundly, and then beat the team with the least amount of points for in our league.

What team am I?

Greenbowl Packers -

In the last two weeks both your team and this NFL team has come away with two close, somewhat ugly wins against division opponents.  On your team, just like this NFL team, the QB is one of the all time greats that has been disappointing (although on the real team the QB is not injured).  On both teams the RB1 should be great but is an injury concern, while the RB2 gets usage out of necessity despite being a waste of time.  Both teams are 2-0 but maybe shouldn't be.

What team are you?

MBs 3rd Annual Shitshow - 

Just like your NFL team, you are 0-2.  Just like your NFL team you are told that your RB1 is a talented guy, but does that matter if he really can't do anything?  Much like your NFL team your WR group shows some promise, but your QB can't help them and the running game is nonexistent. Much like your NFL team you have been deemed a "shitshow" (by yourself in this case, but I'll take what I can get). 

What team are you?

Squidward's Revenge - 

Like your NFL team, injuries have decimated your team early in the season. Like your NFL team you are 0-2.  Like your NFL team (well this is a stretch but bear with me) you held out of the draft like a star player is holding out of the team.  Like your NFL team, WRs certainly aren't the biggest worry your team has.  Like your NFL team, one of your starting RBs is old as dirt and has been accused of some "unsavory" conduct.  Like your NFL team, the defense is middling.

What team are you?

Mustard Tigers - 

Like your NFL team you are 2-0.  Like your NFL team your WRs don't look like the strongest bunch, but they're getting the job done.  Like your NFL team you've got a clear RB1, but the other RBs can certainly be involved in a strong way.  Both teams had good defensive play week 1, and middling defensive play week 2 (not fantasy production).  TE is a very strong position on both teams.

What team are you?

BB Baker's Boys  -

You and your NFL team are both 1-1.  Both you and your NFL team had a surprising loss to a team that was projected to be worse.  Both teams had RBs that showed pretty poorly week 1, but looked stronger in week 2.  Both teams had a defense that looked terrible in week 1, but had a nice bounce back in week 2.  Both teams have made questionable decisions that have led to losses (in your case, keeping any of your WRs on the bench for Duke Johnson Jr.). 

What team are you?

Rip Lips - 

Both teams are 1-1.  Both teams 1 wins were extremely close, and if there were any corrections they may have been losses.  Both teams had an RB play extremely poorly in the first game, to lightly make up for it in the second game.  Both have defenses that are considered one of the best in the game, but they haven't been making a significant difference as of yet.

What team are you?

Football Cream  -

Both teams are 0-2.  Both teams have amazing talent at both the WR and RB spots, but can't seem to make that talent turn into wins.  Both teams have question-marks at QB when it should have been a strong part of their team.  Both teams have a backup that came into the game (Alex, yours is on your bench) in week 2 and did pretty good, if not better than the starter. 

What team are you?

DonJulios Underdogs - 

Both teams are 2-0.  Both teams have iffy QB play that is somehow working very well.  Both teams biggest names are at the WR position, but the unproven RB is showing up and doing work.  Both teams defense has been solid, not spectacular, but solid.  Both teams have depth that could be concerning if the starters go down, but then again, they may not.

What team are you?

Mr Rodgers Neighborhood - 

Both teams are 1-1.  Despite a Hall of fame QB, and great RB1 play, both teams have won a game by less than a TD and lost a game by less than a TD.  The TE play for both teams is essentially non-existent.  The WRs do a good job of keeping both teams in games, but they're not necessarily winning the games on their own.  The defense, which should be elite, is doing well but not great.  Both teams have a running back they are waiting on.

What team are you?

The Chorne Zhopas - 

Both teams are 1-1.  Both teams had a surprise win over an opponent that was favored, and a surprise loss over a team that was an underdog.  Both teams have had shaky QB performance that still resulted in some points, but not a whole lot.  Both teams have had consistent TE performance, even if it isn't always huge, it's always there.  Both teams have had a WR that should perform each week, under perform and hurt the team. 

What team are you?

Fresno Facecleaters - 

Both teams are 0-2.  Both teams had close loses that really could have been wins pretty easily.  Both teams have general managers that have once won championships.  Both teams seem to have one running back that does okay, but good luck guessing which one it is each week.  Both teams have WRs that can perform, but they don't seem to be able to every week.  Both teams have a defense that was supposed to be good, but thus far has under performed. 

What team are you?

POWER RANKINGS

1. The Rats Nest (Last week 1)
2. DonJulios Underdogs (Last week 9)
3. Mustard Tigers (Last week 3)
4. BB Bakers Boys (Last week 4)
5. Football Cream (Last week 5)
6. Mr Rodgers Neighborhood (Last week 7)
7. Fresno Facecleaters (Last week 8)
8. Squidward's Revenge (Last week 2)
9. Rip Lips (Last week 6)
10. The Chorne Zhopas (Last week 10)
11. Valeriy Shishkin (Last week 11)
12. MBs 3rd Annual Shitshow (Last week 12)

GOOD LUCK IN WEEK 3 DUDES.