Saturday, October 22, 2016

Week 6 Recap!



(Extra Credit if you can tell me what's wrong with this picture).

I've personally learned something today. finding Gifs of the NFL is mostly impossible as they find a way to go through and destroy each and everyone of them as quickly as they can.

Now, with the decline in viewership I must wonder, why are people tuning out?  I guess the question comes back to, why do you love football?  Is it tradition, is the athletic freak plays, is it the feeling of camaraderie with a team, a competitive drive with no real outlet, the players and their stories, an excuse to drink at 10am?  I can't really pinpoint it.  If I had to guess why they're losing viewers I would guess that it's because they don't have any good primetime games scheduled.  They keep scheduling loser, boring teams that also have key injuries that make them less competitive.  That's my guess.  Anyway, I'm going to take a look at the random people in the top 10 at each position.


WEIRD TOP 10 PLAYERS:

QB: 

  • MARCUS MARIOTA - I guess it's not a huge stretch, but this guy is ranked above Cam Newton, above Aaron Rodgers, and above Eli Manning.  He has 6 ints and 2 fumbles!  This turnover machine can also run though, and he won't stop doing such.
  • DAK PRESCOTT - Good ole #10 himself.  Who thought the Cowboys of all teams would find themselves a 4th round darling.  He's doing so well that they might bench Romo for him.  He finds himself in the top 10 despite failing to score a TD for the first 3 (2?) weeks of the season.
RB:

  • MELVIN GORDON - I guess the workload was always a possibility, but how can a guy go from being a bum to being a star so quickly?  Hell, he's probably a huge part of the reason that Alex is doing so well.  With Woodhead out somehow the idiot Chargers still have a rushing attack.
  • TEVIN COLEMAN - The backup for the #1 back of last year, Coleman is 1 spot ahead of Freeman this year.  Damn that Atl backfield is hot fire right now.  And to think, we all made fun of Val.  Him and Yuriy are laughing to winning (ish) records.
  • THE GARRETTE BLUNT - Patriots RB in the top 10 scoring?  Better bench him for the rest of the season Bill, seriously.  Don't wanna get to predictable now.
WR:

  • STARVIN MARVIN JONES - Marvatron, the Great Marv, that other Jones, my favorite Marvin, etc.  How does this guy go from being 3rd string on the Bengals to lighting the world on fire in Detroit?   It's not like either of these teams are ever actually good.
  • TERRELLE PRYOR - Called it guys.  Totally drafter this dude.  He's fast as lightning and part of a team that once had the artist formerly known as sober Gordon (RIP), so it was clear as can be.  Now if only he could take over as full time QB for a bit.
TE:

  • I'm not gonna do TE, that shits random as roulette guys.
POWER RANKINGS:

I'm about to be a total tease here guys, Power rankings will recommence next week.  Had my mother visit, had to pick up a cat, school, work, and running an air bnb.  Next week should be a little nicer.

GAME OF THE WEEK PRESENTED BY ORY:

GAME OF THE EASTERN BLOCK. Playing for the right to call themselves “The beast from the east”




VS.




Val took on Yuriy in a match that promised fireworks and loads of shit talk but delivered none. Yuriy, fresh from a week of dodging trades and ignoring texts came in confident. He had the better draft and was looking to shut Val up!! Val, still reeling from the news that his 2nd round pick Eric Decker was out for the year knew that his only chance of winning lay squarely on Freemans shoulders and maybe a bit of luck. The luck was there but that was about it. Yuri easily defeated Val behind a stable of RB’s 136 – 90 and claim the throne of east. After the win Yuriy resumed his life of bong rips and his self-imposed trade embargo. Will this be his year to claim it all? Stay tuned..


Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Week 5 Recap.




I'm going to be honest guys, I went to the Raiders game on Sunday and because of that I didn't really get to see any of the other games this week.  So I can't really talk about the week that was had in the NFL, aside from that game.  I do think that it seems like what we expected at the start of this year is finally starting to show itself.  Stars are being stars and bums are being bums.

But are the Falcons really that good?  Or is this like the year they went 6-0 only to miss the playoffs?

Is Brian Hoyer actually showing that his skills exist or is it just that no team really plans for the Bears? Will Jay Cutler actually show up again?

Are the 49ers gonna win a game with Kap?  Or is it all in their search for the #1 overall draft pick?

So anyway, I figure if I can tell a story I should, so I'll indulge myself and tell you all about the game experience heading into the black hole with a 64 year-old man that goes only by "Captain Bull" (I swear it).

The travel started early at 6am, much before I like to actually be awake.  After working until midnight the night before I sleepily made the drive down to Fairfield to pick up Captain Bull and make my way to the Amtrak station.  I was decked out in all the Raiders gear I could find in my apartment, and Captain Bull was wearing an ancient Raiders Super Bowl sweater and Raiders pajama pants.  We struck up conversation with a Cowboys fan awaiting the Amtrak to head for work who quickly made sure we understood that no matter how good our team was, Dak alone was the best thing to happen to football.  We heeded these words and made our way to the stadium.

Once we arrived at the concrete jungle we Raiders fans lovingly refer to as home (for now :( ) we set off in our journey to get as many free drinks as we could from tailgaters, as we had a good three hours to kill.  Now Captain Bull is a charismatic man, at about 6'0" and 350 lbs, a gnarly beard, and Raiders pajama pants, he is hard to miss.  We used this to our advantage as we went through the trenches, stopping at every table that had a full bar.  Now we would stop by these tables and then Captain Bull would talk to whoever was closest to each table and tell them of the game he went to and how Daryle Lamonica led the Raiders to a win in the last game he had been able to attend at the Coliseum.  The story involved a comeback that made it's way off television now colloquially referred to as the "Heidi Bowl."  This story ends in a Raiders win against the mighty Joe Namath, so it's a good story for all of us fans involved, which gave Captain Bull the perfect opportunity to insist that we toast to the memory.


  Much to my surprise this insistence actually led to us drinking a lot early in the morning as almost every tailgater loved the story and would either take shots with us or pour us a drink and laugh as we left.  I'd say we had at least 6-10 shots before the two hours we had to wait were up.


After enjoying ourselves in what Captain Bull referred to as a "festival of Raiders," we made our way into the stadium.  Now I've been to many NFL games, but before this every single one was at Candlestick Park.  O.Co may not be perfect, but this was as easy a process as I've ever had the pleasure to enjoy.  The security was there but they let Captain Bull and I through with a flask that we actually showed them beforehand.  The lines were long but moved swiftly.  We had luxury seating way up in the nose bleeds with a cocktail bar right below us, one in which the bartender poured two full shots in every drink.  Everyone there was truly partying, and the energy in the air was electric. Now when I heard we would be sitting on the third deck I was worried that we would be so far removed from the action that I'd hardly feel like I was at a game.  That wasn't true at all, in fact the seats were amazingly easy to see from.


I won't bore you all anymore by describing the game in detail, as I'm sure if you were interested in that you would have watched it on TV.  While I'm uncertain if it's due to my fandom of the Raiders, or just them being good this year, I am completely certain that the energy in O.Co for this Chargers game was something else.  During every Raiders defensive stand the whole crowd was on their feet. During the Coop touchdown the place was louder than anywhere I've ever been.  At one point there was a troop of blue angels that flew above the stadium, and you couldn't hear them over the crowd.  It was wonderful.

POWER RANKINGS





2016 Power Ranking: Week 5

Rank Team / Record Trending Comments
1
5-0
--
Last Week: 2nd
As much as I want to, I can no longer deny you this spot. #1 in points for and unbeaten. What I can deny you is full confidence that this means the season is already a win for you. We've seen this before, hell I think you've seen it before. I remember Matt during Manning's 2014 run, just dominant for most of the season. But when the playoffs came...
2
3-2
--
Last Week 1st
Dropped a game and dropped to second in points for. But when you were at the top there's no where to go but down. I think you've had some positives show up week 5 though. You know that David Johnson can still put up points even with Stanton behind center, and that's a nice thought.
3
4-1
--
Last Week: 3rd
I'm trying to remember a year where your team didn't look strong at some point, and honestly I can't. But then I'm also trying to remember a year where your team looked strong at every point, and honestly I can't.
4
2-3
--
Last Week: 9th
Last week got you a win, and also catapulted you over most other teams for the points for tie-breaker. I don't like you sitting in my division with that sort of game out of nowhere.
5
2-3
--
Last Week: 5th
I'm gonna leave you here, you lost without your best player and still managed to keep up with the points for. Not a terrible loss, and maybe Odell starts showing up again? We will see.
6
3-2
--
Last Week: 4th
I was thinking about dropping you a bit further, but luckily for you your record is going to hold your head above water for now.
7
2-3
--
Last Week: 6th
You got dropped after a win, and sometimes that's just the way it goes. You did beat the guy ahead of you (and personally I thank you for that), but 112 points won't always do. Hyde however is really being a consistent guy for you.
8
4-1
--
Last Week: 7th
You've only lost 1 game? Like for reals? Dude, I want to move you higher but you're team is only at 641 points. That's only 1 better than me and I'm 1-4. You best thank your lucky stars bud.
9
3-2
--
Last Week: 8th
Well, you got beat by a good team. Your record is good so that's a start, but I'd start thinking about picking up the points for pace if I were you.
10
1-4
--
Last Week: 11th
That's what winning feels like. I can put myself here and not feel awful about it! 8th in points for, and only one less point than the 4-1 Yaro. Lordy.
11
1-4
--
Last Week: 10th
I'll be nice here and say it's probably just Eli's fault.
12
0-5
--
Last Week: 12th
You aren't out of the running yet, but I'll be honest I don't know what I'd do with your team.



ORY'S GAME OF THE WEEK!

Game of the WEAK

 My how the mighty have fallen… 2 years since they met each other in the championship game Jared (Dog don’t mind) and Nic (The black stars) met again. This time both 0-4 and both in need of a W.


With Tom Brady back under center Jared thought he had a chance. In a pre-game chat he was heard say “ I got this, Brady is back so I'm going to ride him like Giselle and get that win.” Nic was even more confident saying “Jared Grube, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!”

Brady started hot and stayed hot throwing for 400 yards and 3 TD’s… Unfortunately Bradys big game was not enough to get the win as the black stars CRUSHED Dog Don’t mind 106-160. Nic’s Team easily overpowered him behind the arm of Carr and the legs of Elliot to win this years Toilet bowl. Congrats Nic. You’re 1-4 now.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Week 4 Recap!





Week 4 is the day the music died.  And by music I mean my fantasy team.  It's hard to be excited at 0-4, and also honestly I didn't get to watch many of the games as I was busy driving home from San Luis Obispo the whole time.

What I can say is that there has been a bit of separation in our league, we have one 4-0 team left (Alex you punk), and 5 teams that are 3-1.  Nevermind, there's barely been any separation.

What I do know is that, even though Jared and I are in last place, we are three games behind 6th and only 4 games behind 1st.  With 9 weeks left that isn't insurmountable, but it also ain't easy.

Anyway, I'm gonna jump right into the meat and bones.

POWER RANKINGS






2016 Power Ranking: Week 4

Rank Team / Record Trending Comments
1
3-1
--
Last Week 1st
Leading for points for and pulled out a win on your team's worst bye week. You also destroyed my goals and dreams. You're worse than your namesake.
2
4-0
--
Last Week: 2nd
you haven't lost. AJ Green has done you well, but now Palmer is out and Hoyer is throwing to....? You're team is winning so don't mess with success, but it doesn't look amazing.
3
3-1
--
Last Week: 4th
How do you suppose your team is going to keep this up? 300 yds from Julio Jones? That's nuts. But whatever, enjoy it because you've seen how a late season surge can destroy an early contender...
4
3-1
--
Last Week: 3rd
After a bad bad loss, you're still looking good so far, just don't pull weeks like that too often.
5
2-2
--
Last Week: 7th
A steady rise throughout the season and a damn good week leave you 4th in points for. Also, I'm not sure exactly what you're name means but uh, it sounds good.
6
1-3
--
Last Week: 6th
You've had some bad luck. 1-3 but 5th in points for. It's still early so I'm gonna leave you up here, just don't lose much more okay?
7
3-1
--
Last Week: 7th
3-1, this reminds me of something similar that happened last year? Does it remind you?
8
3-1
--
Last Week: 9th
Wow! 3-1 and 10th in points for. That's great dude! Keep it going!
9
1-3
--
Last Week: 10th
It's sad near the bottom, but you know what you've got more points for than a lot of the other teams.
10
1-3
--
Last Week: 11th
I'm not certain this movement up is good news for you or bad news for those of us below you...
11
0-4
--
Last Week: 8th
Doot doot. Toilet bowl this week.
12
0-4
--
Last Week: 12th
Toilet Bowl!




GAME OF THE WEEK
BROUGHT TO YOU BY OREST YASLINSKIY
This week’s game of the week features Gary Meyer aka Boldins Bastards (Formerly known as rip some lips) V.S. Daniel Smiths Run N Hyde.

Brimming with confidence after his name change Daniel thought that the curse of having-a-team-named-after-a-player-that-was-not-on-his-roster would be lifted. It was not so… Gary on the other hand (Also sporting a fresh team name) had just strengthened his squad in dealing for the controversial Isaiah Crowell in a trade that had a lot of us scratching ourselves.
Gary Started out hot with Reed catching 2 TD’s and Ingram adding another. Smith thought he had a chance with his talented stable of WR’s but playing Cutler 2.0 ( Tannehill ) and leaving Wilson on the bench was his ultimate Downfall. Gary overcame a couple INT’s from Drew Brees to win it 168-145. P.S. Heed my warning and cut Tannehill now.