Week 10 Write up

Week 10 is now over (and yes I'm aware that the last gif is from week 9, it's still great).  With the double digit week ending, so does the hope and dream of winning the league this year for me and some of my fellow owners.

2016 is a year that seems to bring down the hopes and dreams of many things, mostly by killing off beloved people, but also by putting the world into something that slightly resembles disorder.  Brexit, for better or for worse, sees Britain ending its relationship with the UN.  Trump, for better or for worse, sees the USA ending its relationship with reality (unless its that reality TV sort). Bowie died, symbolizing the closest thing I've had to an idol kicking the bucket, and then Prince died (never to be shown up).  Of course we had Alan Rickman, Muhammed Ali, Leonard Cohen and the guy that wrote Thriller Ron Temperton pass as well.

So I guess what I mean to say is that it puts something of a perspective on all this silly fantasy football losses and just general garbage.  And I did get engaged too, so this year can't be too bad.  Although this all may be part of the 12 steps of grief I have for my fantasy team's year.

Raiders are good thought! Last time that happened this shit looked amazing:

Looking ahead, there's only 3 games left.  If you're more than 3 games back you better be hoping you can snag one of the 3 wild card spots.  I'm technically not out of the running yet (moreso just practically and maybe even literally).

POWER RANKINGS

So guys, that pretty graphic and chart I was doing for you took about 2 hours each time to complete.  I know it didn't look like much but moving around HTML code and shit isn't my bag and honestly with school, work, airbnb, getting engaged, and BF1 I really just can't.  So Instead I'm just going to write it out.

1.  Alex Gomez (10-0).  Still haven't lost.  Used some weird black magic to get the 1st overall pick.  Still am not scared of you.  My team would fight your team in the parking lot after school. BTW you cannot lose the division, it is clinched.

2. Orest Yaslinskiy (6-4).  Yup same division.  You can't win your division either.  But, you have the best record and points for (excluding Yaro, but he's not gonna be on here for at least a few more teams).  I guess to make up for last year, you traded me CJ Anderson.  Feel good about it, but also remember that karma's a bitch.

3. Yuriy Yedinak (6-4).  Something of a losing skid.  Probably should blame Rex Ryan instead of making a trade.  Your team looks alright though, just be careful and hope that nothing bad happens.  

4. Oscar Meyer (5-5).  Secretly are only out of the top 3 in points for by 6 points.  you can't win your division but I think it'd be silly to count you out of the wild card race.  Pretty damn close to a lock too, just don't drop anymore stupid games to teams like mine.

5. Yaro Yaslinskiy (7-3).  Look I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, you're first in your division but your team is weak. You're 7th in overall points for.  But hey, any given Sunday so enjoy it.

6. Matt Burke (4-6).  Tied for first in the division in points for (with me, but good for you and you're stupid close to respectable record).  You're one game back though, so no rest for you.  I wouldn't count on the wild card either, not in our garbage division.

7. Nic Meyer (3-7).  What do you want me to say?  If I win out and Val loses out and Matt loses at least two games I can get in.  But aside from all of that, I've scored more points than everyone left, and even more than some of those above me (YARO).  So if I can take one consolation it will be this.

8. Valeriy Shishkin (5-5).  How did you get to 5-5?!  Dude, you're literally tied with Andrew for 11th in Points for.  And yet both you guys were top 2 in our division for most of the year.  With that said, the division spot is yours to lose.

9. Daniel Smith (4-6).  Race for the wild card.  It's not gonna be easy, you've got Yuriy, Ory and Oscar in front of you now.  That's your mark, go for it.

10. Jake Yorke (3-7).  This isn't your fault, but I'm pissed that you probably ended even my outside shot of jumping into the playoffs.

11. Andrew Gomez (4-6).  This seems harsh, it might be.  11th in points for and asked for an RB1 for Deandre Hopkins.  Shits nuts.

12. Jared Grube (3-7). To be fair, right now your team looks like hot fire.  HOT FIRE.

Week 8 recap

Well boy howdy, it's week 9 of the NFL.  That means November is here already.  That means it'll soon be Thanksgiving and maybe we'll all get to see Zeke rush for 250 yds and 6TDs.  That would be good.

As far as this season has gone, I've re-learned some old lessons that will be invaluable.  But here's my one word of warning.  I guarantee you next season that RBs will once again be the top picks, but look at who has the best records and what they selected....

POWER RANKINGS

2016 Power Ranking: Week 5
Rank	Team / Record		Trending	Comments
1		AJ Green Party FTW 8-0	-- Last Week: 1st	Still cruising. I know this is a big bye week for you, so hopefully you can lose. Might be better for you that way, then you can get all the pressure off of yourself and finally relax.
2		Bill Cosby's Sleepers 5-3	-- Last Week: 2nd	You know, you're still here because your team is good. You have more PF than two 6-2 teams. You lost to your brother, and you are three games back of the lead in your division. Let's be honest, your hold on the wild card is the furthest from sure of any of the other teams at this point. Do not sleep on it.
3		The Game of Jones 6-2	-- Last Week: 3rd	Yeah you top 3 are cruising. You're up at 6-2, you're probably feeling good. You don't have the division wrapped up yet though. Remember there's another 6-2 team in your division. The unlucky drop of a game and suddenly.........
4		Boldens Bastards 3-5	-- Last Week: 5th	You're probably gonna be surprised to see yourself here. So will the rest of the league I'm sure. I want everyone to recognize that you are 2nd in PF. Not in your division. In the whole entire league. Your team has lost, but you've also had 1080 scored against you. Your team is nasty to go up against most weeks.
5		Balls of Steel 3-5	-- Last Week: 4th	You aren't winning, that's for sure. But you can turn it around. You've got points just pouring in, just never enough in any particular week. You're only 1 game back in the division though...
6		usko shipping 6-2	-- Last Week: 8th	I have to put you here, I do not want to. You're 6-2, but man you're in the bottom 4th points wise. But hey man, all it takes is a little luck I guess.
7		The Blackstars 2-6	-- Last Week: 10th	Righteous, so I'm not particularly winning, but I am 5th in PF. That's right, I have a better score than the rest of my division. So screw you Yaro :(.
8		Greenbowl Packers 4-4	-- Last Week: 8th	3rd in PF, first in the division. Proud of you, I guess?
9		Down w/ the DM 4-4	-- Last Week: 4th	Hey, if you lose to your brother you might be in for a tough tough time.
10		Run 'N Hyde 3-5	-- Last Week: 7th	Tough past couple of weeks. Down by 3 in the division, and at least 2 for the wild-card. There's enough weeks left.
11		DonRobs Underdogs 2-6	-- Last Week: 11th	It don't look pretty. Hasn't and still doesn't. Especially not with Charles going on IR. Down 4 games, try not to lose again okay.
12		Dog Dont Mind 2-6	-- Last Week: 12th	Brady! Brady! Brady! BRODY!

ORY'S GAME OF THE WEEK

The Overachievers vs The Underachievers. 

VS

 

“And in those days brother will go against brother and there will be a gnashing of the teeth” – The bible? This week was hard for me for fantasy football reasons. Coming off of a week were I had won in all of my fantasy football leagues (6 in all) I was feeling pretty confident of taking this win and continue my dominance of the coveted Yaslinskiy bowl. Well reality sure has a way of kicking you right in the nuts. Yaro started out hot. Cam Newton led the rested panthers on a quick scoring spree even connecting with K. Benjamin on a 50 yard throw but that was my one bright spot as David Johnson was held to only 3 points at half time. I was at brunch and constantly checking my phone, my girlfriend was annoyed and I was panicking. The cardinals made it a game eventually as John Brown Vultured a touchdown from Fitzgerald and D. Johnson got going. A. Rodgers and Jordy Nelson put me in the lead during the afternoon games but my hope was quickly dashed as Zeke Elliot and the cowboys ran all over the eagles. The final kick to the groin was Zack Miller catching some balls from the resurgent Jay Cutler. . Yeah.. JAY CUTLER BEAT ME. That one hurts but I only had myself to blame… Starting Knile Davis over Henry on a last minute switch. The tinkering got to me and Yaro beat me improving his record to 6-1. That’s not a misprint and the Sleepers keep on sleeping…..

Week 6 Recap!

(Extra Credit if you can tell me what's wrong with this picture).

I've personally learned something today. finding Gifs of the NFL is mostly impossible as they find a way to go through and destroy each and everyone of them as quickly as they can.

Now, with the decline in viewership I must wonder, why are people tuning out?  I guess the question comes back to, why do you love football?  Is it tradition, is the athletic freak plays, is it the feeling of camaraderie with a team, a competitive drive with no real outlet, the players and their stories, an excuse to drink at 10am?  I can't really pinpoint it.  If I had to guess why they're losing viewers I would guess that it's because they don't have any good primetime games scheduled.  They keep scheduling loser, boring teams that also have key injuries that make them less competitive.  That's my guess.  Anyway, I'm going to take a look at the random people in the top 10 at each position.

WEIRD TOP 10 PLAYERS:

QB: 

• MARCUS MARIOTA - I guess it's not a huge stretch, but this guy is ranked above Cam Newton, above Aaron Rodgers, and above Eli Manning.  He has 6 ints and 2 fumbles!  This turnover machine can also run though, and he won't stop doing such.
• DAK PRESCOTT - Good ole #10 himself.  Who thought the Cowboys of all teams would find themselves a 4th round darling.  He's doing so well that they might bench Romo for him.  He finds himself in the top 10 despite failing to score a TD for the first 3 (2?) weeks of the season.

RB:

• MELVIN GORDON - I guess the workload was always a possibility, but how can a guy go from being a bum to being a star so quickly?  Hell, he's probably a huge part of the reason that Alex is doing so well.  With Woodhead out somehow the idiot Chargers still have a rushing attack.
• TEVIN COLEMAN - The backup for the #1 back of last year, Coleman is 1 spot ahead of Freeman this year.  Damn that Atl backfield is hot fire right now.  And to think, we all made fun of Val.  Him and Yuriy are laughing to winning (ish) records.
• THE GARRETTE BLUNT - Patriots RB in the top 10 scoring?  Better bench him for the rest of the season Bill, seriously.  Don't wanna get to predictable now.

WR:

• STARVIN MARVIN JONES - Marvatron, the Great Marv, that other Jones, my favorite Marvin, etc.  How does this guy go from being 3rd string on the Bengals to lighting the world on fire in Detroit?   It's not like either of these teams are ever actually good.
• TERRELLE PRYOR - Called it guys.  Totally drafter this dude.  He's fast as lightning and part of a team that once had the artist formerly known as sober Gordon (RIP), so it was clear as can be.  Now if only he could take over as full time QB for a bit.

TE:

• I'm not gonna do TE, that shits random as roulette guys.

POWER RANKINGS:

I'm about to be a total tease here guys, Power rankings will recommence next week.  Had my mother visit, had to pick up a cat, school, work, and running an air bnb.  Next week should be a little nicer.

GAME OF THE WEEK PRESENTED BY ORY:

GAME OF THE EASTERN BLOCK. Playing for the right to call themselves “The beast from the east”

VS.

Val took on Yuriy in a match that promised fireworks and loads of shit talk but delivered none. Yuriy, fresh from a week of dodging trades and ignoring texts came in confident. He had the better draft and was looking to shut Val up!! Val, still reeling from the news that his 2nd round pick Eric Decker was out for the year knew that his only chance of winning lay squarely on Freemans shoulders and maybe a bit of luck. The luck was there but that was about it. Yuri easily defeated Val behind a stable of RB’s 136 – 90 and claim the throne of east. After the win Yuriy resumed his life of bong rips and his self-imposed trade embargo. Will this be his year to claim it all? Stay tuned..

Week 5 Recap.

I'm going to be honest guys, I went to the Raiders game on Sunday and because of that I didn't really get to see any of the other games this week.  So I can't really talk about the week that was had in the NFL, aside from that game.  I do think that it seems like what we expected at the start of this year is finally starting to show itself.  Stars are being stars and bums are being bums.

But are the Falcons really that good?  Or is this like the year they went 6-0 only to miss the playoffs?

Is Brian Hoyer actually showing that his skills exist or is it just that no team really plans for the Bears? Will Jay Cutler actually show up again?

Are the 49ers gonna win a game with Kap?  Or is it all in their search for the #1 overall draft pick?

So anyway, I figure if I can tell a story I should, so I'll indulge myself and tell you all about the game experience heading into the black hole with a 64 year-old man that goes only by "Captain Bull" (I swear it).

The travel started early at 6am, much before I like to actually be awake.  After working until midnight the night before I sleepily made the drive down to Fairfield to pick up Captain Bull and make my way to the Amtrak station.  I was decked out in all the Raiders gear I could find in my apartment, and Captain Bull was wearing an ancient Raiders Super Bowl sweater and Raiders pajama pants.  We struck up conversation with a Cowboys fan awaiting the Amtrak to head for work who quickly made sure we understood that no matter how good our team was, Dak alone was the best thing to happen to football.  We heeded these words and made our way to the stadium.

Once we arrived at the concrete jungle we Raiders fans lovingly refer to as home (for now :( ) we set off in our journey to get as many free drinks as we could from tailgaters, as we had a good three hours to kill.  Now Captain Bull is a charismatic man, at about 6'0" and 350 lbs, a gnarly beard, and Raiders pajama pants, he is hard to miss.  We used this to our advantage as we went through the trenches, stopping at every table that had a full bar.  Now we would stop by these tables and then Captain Bull would talk to whoever was closest to each table and tell them of the game he went to and how Daryle Lamonica led the Raiders to a win in the last game he had been able to attend at the Coliseum.  The story involved a comeback that made it's way off television now colloquially referred to as the "Heidi Bowl."  This story ends in a Raiders win against the mighty Joe Namath, so it's a good story for all of us fans involved, which gave Captain Bull the perfect opportunity to insist that we toast to the memory.

  Much to my surprise this insistence actually led to us drinking a lot early in the morning as almost every tailgater loved the story and would either take shots with us or pour us a drink and laugh as we left.  I'd say we had at least 6-10 shots before the two hours we had to wait were up.


After enjoying ourselves in what Captain Bull referred to as a "festival of Raiders," we made our way into the stadium.  Now I've been to many NFL games, but before this every single one was at Candlestick Park.  O.Co may not be perfect, but this was as easy a process as I've ever had the pleasure to enjoy.  The security was there but they let Captain Bull and I through with a flask that we actually showed them beforehand.  The lines were long but moved swiftly.  We had luxury seating way up in the nose bleeds with a cocktail bar right below us, one in which the bartender poured two full shots in every drink.  Everyone there was truly partying, and the energy in the air was electric. Now when I heard we would be sitting on the third deck I was worried that we would be so far removed from the action that I'd hardly feel like I was at a game.  That wasn't true at all, in fact the seats were amazingly easy to see from.

I won't bore you all anymore by describing the game in detail, as I'm sure if you were interested in that you would have watched it on TV.  While I'm uncertain if it's due to my fandom of the Raiders, or just them being good this year, I am completely certain that the energy in O.Co for this Chargers game was something else.  During every Raiders defensive stand the whole crowd was on their feet. During the Coop touchdown the place was louder than anywhere I've ever been.  At one point there was a troop of blue angels that flew above the stadium, and you couldn't hear them over the crowd.  It was wonderful.

POWER RANKINGS

2016 Power Ranking: Week 5
Rank	Team / Record		Trending	Comments
1		Krusty Arnie Palmer 5-0	-- Last Week: 2nd	As much as I want to, I can no longer deny you this spot. #1 in points for and unbeaten. What I can deny you is full confidence that this means the season is already a win for you. We've seen this before, hell I think you've seen it before. I remember Matt during Manning's 2014 run, just dominant for most of the season. But when the playoffs came...
2		Bill Cosby's Sleepers 3-2	-- Last Week 1st	Dropped a game and dropped to second in points for. But when you were at the top there's no where to go but down. I think you've had some positives show up week 5 though. You know that David Johnson can still put up points even with Stanton behind center, and that's a nice thought.
3		The Game of Jones 4-1	-- Last Week: 3rd	I'm trying to remember a year where your team didn't look strong at some point, and honestly I can't. But then I'm also trying to remember a year where your team looked strong at every point, and honestly I can't.
4		Five Nights at Phillips 2-3	-- Last Week: 9th	Last week got you a win, and also catapulted you over most other teams for the points for tie-breaker. I don't like you sitting in my division with that sort of game out of nowhere.
5		Boldins Bastards 2-3	-- Last Week: 5th	I'm gonna leave you here, you lost without your best player and still managed to keep up with the points for. Not a terrible loss, and maybe Odell starts showing up again? We will see.
6		Deez Nuks 3-2	-- Last Week: 4th	I was thinking about dropping you a bit further, but luckily for you your record is going to hold your head above water for now.
7		Run 'N Hyde 2-3	-- Last Week: 6th	You got dropped after a win, and sometimes that's just the way it goes. You did beat the guy ahead of you (and personally I thank you for that), but 112 points won't always do. Hyde however is really being a consistent guy for you.
8		usko shipping 4-1	-- Last Week: 7th	You've only lost 1 game? Like for reals? Dude, I want to move you higher but you're team is only at 641 points. That's only 1 better than me and I'm 1-4. You best thank your lucky stars bud.
9		Greenbowl Packers 3-2	-- Last Week: 8th	Well, you got beat by a good team. Your record is good so that's a start, but I'd start thinking about picking up the points for pace if I were you.
10		The Blackstars 1-4	-- Last Week: 11th	That's what winning feels like. I can put myself here and not feel awful about it! 8th in points for, and only one less point than the 4-1 Yaro. Lordy.
11		Waiver Bros ** 1-4	-- Last Week: 10th	I'll be nice here and say it's probably just Eli's fault.
12		Dog Dont Mind 0-5	-- Last Week: 12th	You aren't out of the running yet, but I'll be honest I don't know what I'd do with your team.

ORY'S GAME OF THE WEEK!

Game of the WEAK

 My how the mighty have fallen… 2 years since they met each other in the championship game Jared (Dog don’t mind) and Nic (The black stars) met again. This time both 0-4 and both in need of a W.


With Tom Brady back under center Jared thought he had a chance. In a pre-game chat he was heard say “ I got this, Brady is back so I'm going to ride him like Giselle and get that win.” Nic was even more confident saying “Jared Grube, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!”

Brady started hot and stayed hot throwing for 400 yards and 3 TD’s… Unfortunately Bradys big game was not enough to get the win as the black stars CRUSHED Dog Don’t mind 106-160. Nic’s Team easily overpowered him behind the arm of Carr and the legs of Elliot to win this years Toilet bowl. Congrats Nic. You’re 1-4 now.

Week 4 Recap!

Week 4 is the day the music died.  And by music I mean my fantasy team.  It's hard to be excited at 0-4, and also honestly I didn't get to watch many of the games as I was busy driving home from San Luis Obispo the whole time.

What I can say is that there has been a bit of separation in our league, we have one 4-0 team left (Alex you punk), and 5 teams that are 3-1.  Nevermind, there's barely been any separation.

What I do know is that, even though Jared and I are in last place, we are three games behind 6th and only 4 games behind 1st.  With 9 weeks left that isn't insurmountable, but it also ain't easy.

Anyway, I'm gonna jump right into the meat and bones.

POWER RANKINGS

2016 Power Ranking: Week 4
Rank	Team / Record		Trending	Comments
1		Bill Cosby's Sleepers 3-1	-- Last Week 1st	Leading for points for and pulled out a win on your team's worst bye week. You also destroyed my goals and dreams. You're worse than your namesake.
2		Krusty Arnie Palmer 4-0	-- Last Week: 2nd	you haven't lost. AJ Green has done you well, but now Palmer is out and Hoyer is throwing to....? You're team is winning so don't mess with success, but it doesn't look amazing.
3		The Game of Jones 3-1	-- Last Week: 4th	How do you suppose your team is going to keep this up? 300 yds from Julio Jones? That's nuts. But whatever, enjoy it because you've seen how a late season surge can destroy an early contender...
4		Dank Hill 3-1	-- Last Week: 3rd	After a bad bad loss, you're still looking good so far, just don't pull weeks like that too often.
5		Boldins Bastards 2-2	-- Last Week: 7th	A steady rise throughout the season and a damn good week leave you 4th in points for. Also, I'm not sure exactly what you're name means but uh, it sounds good.
6		Run 'N Hyde 1-3	-- Last Week: 6th	You've had some bad luck. 1-3 but 5th in points for. It's still early so I'm gonna leave you up here, just don't lose much more okay?
7		usko shipping 3-1	-- Last Week: 7th	3-1, this reminds me of something similar that happened last year? Does it remind you?
8		Greenbowl Packers 3-1	-- Last Week: 9th	Wow! 3-1 and 10th in points for. That's great dude! Keep it going!
9		Five Nights at Phillips 1-3	-- Last Week: 10th	It's sad near the bottom, but you know what you've got more points for than a lot of the other teams.
10		Waiver Bros ** 1-3	-- Last Week: 11th	I'm not certain this movement up is good news for you or bad news for those of us below you...
11		The Blackstars 0-4	-- Last Week: 8th	Doot doot. Toilet bowl this week.
12		Dog Dont Mind 0-4	-- Last Week: 12th	Toilet Bowl!

GAME OF THE WEEK

BROUGHT TO YOU BY OREST YASLINSKIY

This week’s game of the week features Gary Meyer aka Boldins Bastards (Formerly known as rip some lips) V.S. Daniel Smiths Run N Hyde.

Brimming with confidence after his name change Daniel thought that the curse of having-a-team-named-after-a-player-that-was-not-on-his-roster would be lifted. It was not so… Gary on the other hand (Also sporting a fresh team name) had just strengthened his squad in dealing for the controversial Isaiah Crowell in a trade that had a lot of us scratching ourselves.

Gary Started out hot with Reed catching 2 TD’s and Ingram adding another. Smith thought he had a chance with his talented stable of WR’s but playing Cutler 2.0 ( Tannehill ) and leaving Wilson on the bench was his ultimate Downfall. Gary overcame a couple INT’s from Drew Brees to win it 168-145. P.S. Heed my warning and cut Tannehill now.