Week 1 Recap!

The first week of the season is always one much anticipated, nerves and jitters everywhere. Will my players perform? Will they be injured? Who's starting RB for the Dolphins? 

Now 6 teams are looking for an undefeated season, while 6 others are hoping to make them feel bad. The season is not own or lost the first week, but it sure feels like it. 

Good luck! 

Now for the weekly recap presented by our own Orest Yaslinskiy 

Week 1 

Game 1 Sunday Morning Woodhead 89 VS The Peirres Switch Project 133 

Keyon will be proud of my fight. Me.. Not so much. Going into the game I thought I had a chance to upset the reigning Champion with my GRADE F squad but that was not meant to be as I stumbled out of the gates. Jake’s team, led by Payton Mannings 28 points took the lead midway through Sunday afternoon, just as my Woodhead was fading, and never looked back. After all was said and done I was saddened by the fact that I actually thought I had a chance. I know it was week 1 and everyone has expectations and fantasies of hoisting the Shiva at the end of the year but the draft grade prophecy looks half way fulfilled already and I am already planning for next year. 

Player who shit the bed: Ruben Randle WR New York Giants. 2 receptions on 3 targets for 1 yard. My bad for believing that the Giants had actually improved! Maybe Eli and Ruben can take something from the Spartans, Bang it out in the bedroom and hopefully form a decent partnership. 

Game 2 Full Metal Jacket 124 Wematnye 129 

Going into this matchup I imagine that The Great Commissioner Nick thought he had an easy win going against The Taco of our league in Mr Yuriy wematanye Yadenik, who drafted Josh Gordan in the 6th round. Nick jumped out to an early Thursday night lead when Russel Wilson Put up 21 points along with Harvins 16 but even though Yuriy started Tony Romo and had a poor outing by Demaryius Thomas he somehow pulled out a win. My guess? Voodoo magic. Pass that alligator foot over here will yeah Yuriy? I can use some luck. 

Player who shit the bed: Maurice Jones-Drew RB Raiders. I know Tony Romo had a horrid game but Jones-Drew only mustered up 4 points! Romo had 6 more points then this shifty (Shitty) running back, who once was a PPR monster but is now a PPR Dud. Every year Nick’s hope in Raiders is renewed by the fantay football Gods but every year they let him down, this year looks to be the same. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW NICK?!?! 



Game 3 Green Bowl Packers 116 I Pitta The Fool 166 

Not a whole lot to say about this game as newcomer Alex Gomez Pitta’d Val and his Packers. Matt Ryan threw a career high 36 points and Forte threw in 24. On Vals side, his receivers went missing and as a result he only mustered up 116 points but then traded for AJ Green. Will he have a reverse in form next week? We will see.. 

Player who shit the bed: Michael Crabtree WR 49ERS. 

After all the talk in preseason about how healthy Crabtree is, it sure did not look like it. Crabtree had 2 receptions against a horrible Dallas D. His injury looks to be nagging him, will he have a reverse in form against the bears which looks to be a shootout? We will see.. 



Game 4 FlutteringHorde 53 Rucker Rip some Lips 151 

The Fantasy Football Gods looked down and did not show any favor for FlutteringHorde. Playing an inactive Cam Newton did not help him ether. Oscars team showed no mercy on the horde and as a result a 97 point win was had. Julian Thomas caught 3 touchdowns and Kaepernick looked very much like a top fantasy star that he in the Route. EARTH TO RICK JAMES! SET YOUR LINE UP! 

Player who shit the bed: Its so hard to pick when a team’s top scorer is Dwayne Allen. Doug Martin and Cam Newton were both injured so I won’t kick them while they’re down so instead I’ll turn my attention to Larry Fitzgerald of the Cardinals whos days of multiple TD catches are as far behind him as my luscious hair. Gone are those days, when the wind would brush my hair, and gone are the days when fitz caught a touchdown. Sigh* 

Game 5 Colonel Sanders 119 Dog Don’tmind 133 

A valiant effort by Burke had Jared sweating but in the end he was the victor.. BUT AT WHAT COST?! Jared, still nervous from his first victory quickly traded away his top scorer. AJ Green for running back cover. One must ask why? Did you have an out of body experience where Levion Bell came to visit you and had you ride on his back down to fantasy football glory?!? We look forward to your answer. 



Player who shit the bed: Jamal Charles RB Chiefs. 

Has Jamal Charles gone the way of Trent Richardson? Sure looks like it after a day in which he only brought in 6 points. 6 Points from a Top 5 pick will get you on my shit the bed list. Better luck next week Jamal. 



GAME OF THE WEEK. PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW (FIRE WORKS!) 

Mr Rodgers Neighborhood 146 freedom thirty five 194 

Perhaps the greatest comeback since Lazerus! Yaro came back from 50 points down to decimate Daniels team. I being a brother of his was granted this exclusive interview… 

Me (Ory): Yaro how did you feel when you were down by 50 points going into Monday night’s game? 

Yaro: I had Faith in my team and you know we held our own you know. I’d also like to thank the New York Giants for sucking. 

Me: What was your reaction like when Stafford and Johnson connected on 2 touchdowns? 

Yaro: That was the culmination of careful research and planning going into the draft. Didn’t ecpect to see it come to fruition in week one. 

Me: Besides the New York Giants, did you want to say thank you to anyone else? 

Yaro: My mom for always believing in me and my 3rd grade teacher can suck it. 

There you have it folks, an exclusive interview with the hottest Fantasy Football player in our league… (No Romo)



Player who shit the bed: Frank Gore RB 49ers 

It breaks my heart to put Frank the Tank in the shit bed but I must after he only managed 4 points against a very generous Cowboys Defense. Rumours of his demise have been circulating the web for a few seaons now but has the time finally arrived when Frank Does not carry the niners to championship glory? Looks like it as Carlos Hyde had an excellent game and even finished with a touchdown. 



Thanks for having me do this. Hope I didn’t offend anyone too much. Good luck on week 2 everyone!