GAME REVIEW
DonCobbs Underdogs vs. The Chorne Zhopas
A game between the 9th and 10th highest scores of the week someone had to win. Jake comes out ahead, just barely. In a remarkably close matchup, Jake comes out ahead on the strength of his RBs, and his overall ability to be slightly more mediocre than Yuriy. Yuriy however really absolutely could have won. Can you imagine if he had put Larry Fitzgerald in instead of Mike Williams or Robbie Anderson? I'm sure he can. Don't beat yourself up, one day you too can be just like Jameis Winston.
Mustard Tigers . vs. Rip Lips
Ory puts up the third highest score of the week, and all without a second round pick on his team! Dad you didn't do too bad, you scored directly in the middle of the pack, and you could have won if you didn't fall into your ultimate downfall, the Chicago Bears. I want you to stare deeply into the gif above and decide if he played a joke on you, or if he's promising he'll be better next time. Ory, Mahomes did pretty well even if he was the second best QB in that game behind Gardner Minshew, but your real MVP has gotta be the Jets. Just all around NY came out to play for you, be it Josh Allen personally delivering points to the Jets D, or Bell never leaving the playing field.
Football Cream vs. BB Baker's Boys
EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS OVER! Then Tyrell Williams came, shouted "F*** AB," (we edit for the children here) and realized that rhymes with AG. So Chris wins during a late Monday night game. I'm sure Alex is probably beating himself up over sitting DJax and starting Samuel, and I'll tell ya, you should. DJax blows up week 1 every single year, and you might get the second week 2. Good luck. Ultimately this game came down to the biggest burst from players and Chris had the best in the week with Sammy Watkins.
The Autobots versus The Greenbowl Packers
(Note: I wanted to find Corey Davis from this week, but I'm not certain he existed)
Somehow the bottom two scoring teams faced each other, and one had to win. Val gets the win in what might be considered a consolation bracket in week one. Both of these teams are giving me high hopes that my road to the playoffs may be easy. 5 RBs were played between both teams for a total of 28.4 points. I legitimately thought that Matt's team was going to look great coming into the season, and this first week certainly blew that up. Hopkins at least looked great, and you've got Gio Bernard on your bench so at least you're not already blowing things up for injury. Val, I just feel bad that you literally have to start Howard or Drake each week. That sucks.
The Rat's Nest vs. Squidward's Revenge
Look, I'm not gonna talk too much about this one. Everything hit! Except Matt Bryant, my kicker literally gave me 0. I'd say it hurts but everything felt good. Andrew on the other hand puts up the second highest score and still got blown tf out, and lost Tyreek Hill for like 5-7 weeks. Incoming tasteless joke: Tyreek and his son can have matching slings now. That said, I was incredibly worried about going against your team because I thought if Henry went off you could be scary, turns out that it was scary and your team could be incredibly good.
GAME OF THE WEEK:
Mr Rodgers Neighborhood vs. Fresno Facecleaters
The first game of the league with decimals points added, and already we have a game decided by less than 1 point. And what a game it was! After the ridiculous game Watson threw up it looked like D Smith had taken a hard loss, with only one player wearing a nasty orange jersey. Sutton was the lone bright spot on the Donkeys last night, and he propelled you to a win by .3 points.
This game is a tale of two teams, Chris' team is the boom or bust. A few players carrying a bunch of dead weight, and while that dead weight may not always be such, this week they held you back. Daniel's team is fairly consistent, with one standout and a couple pretty poor performances. Chris could have won, but who would have played DJ Chark at any point? We now live or die by the decimal, and Chris I'll let you be the judge on if it's better or worse.
Power Rankings:
- Nic Meyer (A+ Draft ranking 👍)
- Andrew Gomez (B+ Draft ranking 👍)
- Orest Yaslinskiy (B Draft ranking 😐)
- Chris Pender (D Draft ranking 🤯)
- Alex Gomez (B+ Draft ranking 👍)
- Gary Meyer (B- Draft ranking 😐)
- Daniel Smith (C Draft ranking 😐)
- Chris Cone (B Draft ranking 🙁)
- Jake Yorke (C+ Draft ranking 😐)
- Yuriy Yedinak (A- Draft ranking 🙁🙁)
- Valeriy Shishkin (D+ Draft ranking 👍)
- Matt Burke (A Draft ranking 🙁🙁)
Worth noting, every team went against the team they were matched next to except Ory and Gary. Remarkably even matched week.
Good luck week 2.
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