For Reals Guys League Weekly Posts: Week 5 Recap

You know, I really enjoy the new NFL celebration rules. By far the best part of this rule is that I can find gifs much much easier. The downside to the prevalence of gifs is that there are so many more that are not current. I had so many random Favre gifs this week that I had to get rid of once I realized what was going on.

As I had friends over I didn't actually get to see the weeks games, instead I went and saw King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard live. This was many good fun times had by all. There was train sushi, Airbnb, Lyft featuring a driver that kept saying you betcha, an opening band named Tropical Fuck Storm and a vomit spewing universe destroying android. Anyway, that's my week 5 thoughts, we can move into something more productive.

TOP 5

Deshaun Watson (134 points)

I wanted to say that this is a surprise or it's out of nowhere or that we knew he had it in him, but the truth of the matter is that we didn't. He did not play all of week 1, Tom Savage did, and yet here we are with Watson. I'm certain that we all are thinking that regression is bound to happen, and that at some point he can't score as many TDs. But what if he can? We saw it with Mike Vick and Tom Brady before so, I'm just saying maybe.

Alex Smith (133 points)

31 points again, he's rolling. The stupid Chiefs are still consistently winning games and their offense is moving. Look we've all seen a lot of Smith in the past and the only thing that I can think that would make him good is the fact that so,some got drafted to replace him. We saw it with Kaepernick but this is something totally different.

Aaron Rodgers (129 points)

The only other place you'll see a list with Rodgers below Smith is their draft position. Rodgers has looked good and number 3 sounds disappointing but it's only by about 5 points so less than 1 TD.

Tom Brady (128 points)

This seems like a huge fall for him, but seriously he's 6 points behind rank number 1. I might be worried about his shoulder sprain but only if he goes up against a brutal defense, and that's not this week.

Dak Prescott (126 points)

It's weird cause he seems to score more points than any particular piece of his team. Dudes consistent and he's consistently good which is a perfect thing from the eyes of a fantasy football owner.

Kareem Hunt (123 points)

He's settling into a more realistic ROS scoring range now, but he's holding onto his first place hold. Theres a good reason to believe that he's riding a wave of momentum, that the KC confidence is sky high and it's making them all play better. That doesn't mean it has to stop, but things could realistically change.

Todd Gurley (120 points)

Well he had a huge burst of points against some questionable defenses and the Redskins. Then Seattle punched him in the face, the next long run of defenses he faces are all a bunch of pretty good defenses. I don't think 4 is a weekly thing, but I also don't think 37 should be expected.

Leonard Fournette (105 points)

How about that 90 yard run? That was cool, and he kept running and kept getting faster and faster as everyone slowed down. He looks like the next big true runner. I don't think that means he'll be the best runner this year but man he's doing good so far. If he keeps this up he might be a top 5 pick next year.

Le'Veon Bell (92 points)

The talent and pedigree are palpable and the fact that he's on this list even after CheeseBerger threw 5 picks speaks to this. He had a few bad games but the guys here.

Melvin Gordon (87 points)

Damn that was a week. He had a 3 point week followed by a 33 point week, and against what should be a better NYG team. But as it goes with any game even slightly related to the Chargers all the Giants WRs died and Gordon just ran ran ran.

Antonio Brown/DeAndre Hopkins (99 points)

It's funny because they're tied for the top spots but the guys throwing them the ball are on completely different trajectories. Big Ben is old but trusts Brown with his life and Watson is just running the whole league. Ben throws 5 picks, Watson throws 5 TDs. But here they both are.

AJ Green (96 points)

He's on his bye this week, so he'll probably fall right back off this list but he torched Buffalo and they were supposed to be good. Turns out, as no one would have guessed, AJ Green is pretty good. Can't believe Dalton can pass for that many yards though.

Stefon Diggs (84 points)

He had a couple really insane weeks and he'll float. The dudes got talent but it's the offense I worry about. Bradford getting hurt again cannot help his value or outlook, but the good news is that Keenum doesn't look like garbage.

Chris Hogan (80 points)

The white slot receiver in a Patriots offense ran by Tom MAGA Brady. No surprise from me here guys.

Zach Ertz (79 points)

13-18 points per week steady and solid. The TE position hasn't been an easy position to fill, and yet here Val is with a dude that hasn't even missed a game yet.

Travis Kelce (75 points)

Baby Gronk. The guys still a jerk but when he's not busy catching 1 pass for 1 yard he also plays football. Travis Kelce is a tight end that blows up some weeks and then doesn't do much otherwise.

Rob Gronkowski (62 points)

What even is a leg contusion? What does that mean and why did he look like he should have been playing? I don't think Tom Brady's workout is so great, but at least it was such a good week to miss for my team.

Jason Witten (57 points)

Just when you want to cut bait he puts up a good week. Not that Yuriy would cut players.

Charles Clay (56 points)

This is unfortunate :(.

GAME REVIEWS

Matt Burke versus Jake Yorke

Matt: you were the last team to win a game, but you did win one. I want that fancy Watson sitting on your bench, much like Chris Thompson, it's the two magical weeks of the year where someone new does something cool and he's sitting on Matt's bench screaming please let me make an impact in For Reals Guys league. Anyway, you won so I won't help you lament as there isn't an occasion for it.

Jake: close man, close. Buck Allen coulda won you the game, but it's understandable that you wouldn't play him over Bilalala Powell. Realistically you came across Matt in the one week where his team was so desperate for a win that you could have score 145 and he would have scored 146. Just never again play Bilal Powell. Lesson learned right?

Matt wins 128-124

Chris Cone versus Oscar Meyer

Chris: sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes Deonte Thompson doesn't actually exist. This time Thompson didn't exist. This is the scary thing about having such a top heavy team, is say if Tom Brady doesn't show up then your team looks significantly less exciting. Good news could be that your top heavy players are Tom Brady and Leonardo Fournetty. They've been pretty solid.

Dad: Beckham went down and that was sad. Clay went down and that was sad as well. Funchess, Ellington and Newton off the waiver have helped you maintain relevancy and I can't ignore the trade we made, may it work in the favor of both of us. I'm not truly a huge fan of your team looking at the roster but, if it's working it's working and persistence is at least 5% of the battle.

Oscar wins 118-102.

Ory Yaslinskiy versus Yuriy Yedinak

Ory: sometimes it hurts less to lose when you score 47% of the oppositions points. Those times are only when the opponent scores over 200 points. I mean being completely fair and honest I definitely could have told you not to play Roethlisberger. Gurley uncharacterisically performed like a human against the Seahawks, and Evans really hasn't done a whole lot has he? But put this out of your mind I suppose because you didn't have Deshaun Watson on your bench so you couldn't really make the game swing the other way.

Yuriy: highest scoring week was while Freeman was on a bye? Trade that guy man.

Yuriy wins 167-80

Daniel Smith versus Andrew Gomez

Daniel: definitely played the wrong Packers RB, as I scored twice as many points as him from a King Gizzard concert. Carlos Hyde was surprisingly your biggest underperformer though and it actually didn't matter a whole lot. Your WR corp went green bananas and allowed you to roll over the guy playing Palmer and CJ2k in 2017. Getting Michael a Thomas and Kamari back sounds like a great deal, sometimes early byes are good.

Andrew: look some of us have been there before, you're at a place where you feel it's necessary to start CJ2k. It's not completely your fault, there's a reason why week 5 byes are called gateway byes and you've recently suffered a traumatic experience with losing Dalvin Cook. What I suggest, since you're still new to this, is you drop the baggage and move on, bring back CJ Andersen, don't participate in any more Shady waiver wire deals and drop Diggs before he hurts you more than you already have been.

Daniel wins 144-92

Alex Gomez versus Valeriy Shishkin

Alex: that injury bug has made shit brutal for your team. It's so bad you're starting a person named JuJu. Adam Humphries sounds like a person who should be dating a Kardashian, Alex Collins biggest highlight is spinning so hard he fumbles, Tyler Kroft makes mac-n-cheese, Stafford is the highest paid player in NFL history, and Gallman sounds like the life of a party. With that said, you still put up more points than Ory or Andrew so there could definitely be moral victories.

Val: so I'm happy we never made a trade for Ajayi. Good player bad offense sounds like a shitty 70s movie but it also sounds like Gurleys season last year and that's a boring thing to think about. Which one of Alshon or Pierre is going to go off each week, and which name is more likely to be brought back into the pantheon of baby naming books? (My money is on Pierre). Ertz is arguably your best player not named Rodgers and even then I'm not certain Rodger isn't his middle name.

Val wins 116-99

Nic Meyer versus Jared Grube

Jared: you got beat by a team starting Eli Manning. Your highest scoring nonQB was Cole Beasley in a revenge game, and Amari Cooper makes me just as sad as it does you so I won't make fun of you too much for him. Your armor is cracked and the signs point to a clear downward trajectory. Win->tie->loss is consistent downgrading of your situation. You know what really did you in though? Your defense and kicking units, they simply are nut up to par. Much like Folk cost the Mighty Wind their friendship, Folk cost you this game.

Nic: 🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿🕺🏿

PLAYER PROFILE

(Powered by Jake Yorke)

VALERIY SHISHKIN

Val, what can I say man? You've been in two championships and won once. You've proven that you're a contender. You have a .551 win percentage and the worst you've ever finished in a season is 6-7. That's impressive. Your name has stayed Greenbowl Packers since pretty much the leagues inception, which makes you similar to the Redskins. You've also lost a championship to Jake, but beat D Smith, further proving our divisions sincere and complete dominance over every aspect of fantasy football. You're 3-2 in the playoffs and have never looked bad, how do you manage that?

Well, the players that are common to your team can help answer this. You've owned Aaron Rodgers many years (HINT THATS PROBABLY THE SECRET GUYS, I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT), and also have owned Ertz more times than his spotty history suggests is even wise. Luckily your a glutton for punishment and always come back for more. Greg Jennings and Arian Foster were familiar names on your team before they both faded away like candles in the wind.

What might be the most curious and insane part of your team is also tied to your NFL team:

The New Orleans Saints I would say you are akin to the Saints after they attained Brees in particular. One super bowl win, one almost completely consistent QB, a weird mishmash of RBs that kinda but not really works, a high scoring offense, and a super bowl winning year where you tore the doors off the place. During your winning year you averaged 145.2 points per game. That's almost 150 points per game (for those hard of reading numbers). That shits crazy, and I still blame it on some weird cosmic voodoo of the baby being on the way.

POWER RANKINGS