WEEK 2 RECAP

“it seemed to me that I had never met

another person on earth

as discouraging to my happiness

as my QB.

and it appeared that my team had

the same effect upon

him.”

-          Charles Bukowski “On Trey Lance”

 

“there's no clarity.

there was never meant to be clarity.”

-          Charles Bukowski “On Fantasy Football”

 

“I even hear Josh Allen

the way he laughs

up and down their blue sidelines

and down in the water

the 0-2 teams cry

and the water

is their tears.

I listen to the water

on nights I drink away

and the sadness becomes so great

I hear it in my RBs

it becomes knobs upon my dresser

it becomes paper on the floor

it becomes a shoehorn

a laundry ticket

it becomes

cigarette smoke

climbing a chapel of dark vines. . .

it matters little

very little points for is not so bad

or very many points against

what counts

is waiting on Sunday

I was born for this

I was born to lose fantasy football.”

-          Charles Bukowski “On Life in general”

 

Week 2 crashed upon us with devastating certainty. The many hopes of the season we had washed away. Though they may always resonate with us when we gaze upon the faces of the players we had drafted, they become devoiced when we see their scores. Unless you have Lamarr Jackson or some shit.

 

Anyway, scores looked better in week 2 for most. I’m not bitter. Hell, it’s not like my QB had his ankle snapped or the Raiders lost in the most embarrassing fashion that I’ve basically ever seen. I mean, the scout said that Kyler Murray was running around like a toddler that stole his parent’s phone, and he was right. Somehow though I get the feeling that 9’ers fans just lost their next franchise QB and they couldn’t be happier about it. Like somehow losing all that potential is fine because they get milquetoast Jimmy G back. I’m definitely bitter.

We have 2 2-0 teams and 2 0-2 teams. That means 75% of the league is 1-1. Somehow both the father’s in this league scored over 180, Chris scored 170, and Alex scored 145. It was a good week for the more time-advanced in our group. I was happy to see the first trade that I was not involved in occurred early. Remember, don’t get too attached to your players, as the season rolls on you’ll need to be flexible. Without further ado:

 

WEEKLY AWARDS

Best Manager

Gary and Rip Lips set a near perfect lineup with only 0.4 points fewer than perfect.

Worst Manager

Chris set a lineup with 73.68 more points possible. Talk about missing out. 

Biggest Blowout

Chris and the 5 Yard Fullers dominated Val’s Greenbowl Packers winning by 60.72 points. Apparently the combination of Nick Chubb, Cooper Kupp, and Jaylen Waddle was almost enough on their own to win that game. That was while leaving Tua’s thermonuclear beatdown of the Ravens on the bench. Like seriously, could the Ravens really not understand that Tua was going to throw to Hill or Waddle?

Narrow Victory

Yuriy and Mixon sand beat the Matt’s Griddy Grinners by .78 points in just about the only match that would have kept Yuriy unbeaten. Yuriy, Russell Wilson sucks, luckily for you the Bears and Darnell Mooney suck even more. If only Josh Jacobs would have gotten some runs during overtime Matt would have won and the Raiders probably would have also.

Lowest Score

 

It felt like it was going okay, not great but okay. Then Lance destroyed his ankle on one of Shanahan’s dumb decisions and the air was not only let out of the room, but all my fantasy players immediately stopped getting additional points. It was a moment that was determined to get me to stop watching football and go to DQ with my kid to eat away my sadness.

“The Uses of Sorrow

Someone I loved once gave me

a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand

that this, too, was Trey Lance.”

Highest Score

So this is cool. Gary and Rip Lips scored 187.62 to achieve the highest score of the week. His team did this with Jonathan Taylor, his first overall pick, really just stinking up the joint. Wild.

 

Top QB

 

Tua Tagovailoa of the 5 Yard Fullers. Is it real? Or is it a fluke? We’ll see. Just remember, Matt Flynn once threw 6 TDs.

Top RB

 

Nick Chubb of the 5 Yard Fullers. The Browns lost, but Chris sure didn’t.

Top WR

 

Stefon Diggs of COOKing WINgs. It wasn’t even necessary, the poor Titans didn’t deserve this.

Top TE

Mark Andrews of Nachooo Daddy. Surprisingly not 30+ considering Lamar’s day.

 

POWER RANKINGS

 

1. Gary (Previously 8)
2. Chris (Previously 7)
3. Steve (Previously 6)
4. Yuriy (Previously 3)
5. Brian (Previously 2)
6. Alex (Previously 1)
7. Andrew (Previously 12)
8. Jake (Previously 10)
9. Matt (Previously 4)
10. Nic (Previously 5)
11. Dan (Previously 9)
12. Val (Previously 11) 

Let me leave you with one more for the road.

“Week 3 is not chance-

It’s Toil-

Fantasy’s expensive smile-

Is earned-

The QB1 of the week

Is that one that was sent to Atlanta-

We spurned.”

Good luck in Week 3.