Regular Season Recap!

Alright guys, the time is here. 

IT'S PLAYOFF TIME!

Let me start off by saying that if you are in the consolation bracket you do still have something to play for:

The winner of the consolation bracket gets two names in the hat for the draft drawing next year, everyone else only gets one.  What that means is that if you win the consolation bracket you get to have your choice of two picks and decide which you like better.  Stay on top of the game, you may continue to make waiver claims but trades are now off the table.  Good luck to you all.

For those in the playoffs I'm certain you know exactly what the stakes are. 1st place gets $550 and second place gets $50.  That means Jared isn't getting anything.  Sorry Jared. Congrats on the new baby boy on the way, don't name him Ezekiel or Kareem though otherwise he will let you down (SARCASM).  

So onto some announcements that I'm sure will make everyone involved happy, the final official standings and some season awards.

OFFICIAL FINAL STANDINGS

1. Jared Grube (10-2-1) (Draft Grade: B-)
2. Nic Meyer (10-3) (Draft Grade: A)
3. Yuriy Yedinak (9-4) (Draft Grade: A-)
4. Jake Yorke (7-6) (Draft Grade: B)
5. Matt Burke (7-6) (Draft Grade: C+)
6. Alex Gomez (7-6) (Draft Grade: B)
7. Valeriy Shishkin (5-7-1) (Draft Grade: D+)
8. Orest Yaslinskiy (5-8) (Draft Grade: B-)
9. Andrew Gomez (5-8) (Draft Grade: C)
10. Gary Meyer (5-8) (Draft Grade: B-)
11. Chris Cone (4-9) (Draft Grade: C-)
12. Daniel Smith (3-10) (Draft Grade: C+)

That's it.  It was a good season guys, despite all the dumb drama surrounding Zeke and the multitude of injuries that happened to QBs and key players, we have made it through and seen quite a few surprises.

Also, say what you will about my draft grades but the two teams I graded at an A- or above both made the playoffs.

SEASON AWARDS

Top Scorer: Nic Meyer with 1768 points scored.  This is an average of 136 points per week.

Lowest Scorer: Valeriy Shishkin with 1355 points scored. This is an average of 104.2 points per week.

Toughest Schedule: Orest Yaslinskiy with 1780 points scored against him. No one else was even within 100 points of this total.

Easiest Schedule: Jared Grube with 1351 points scored against him.

Highest single week score:  Jared Grube with 222 points in Week 7.

Lowest single week score: Valeriy Shishkin with 67 points in Week 7.

FANTASY PLAYER POSITIONAL MVPs.

These awards go to the highest scoring player for each position. I doubt the player will ever see this blog, but if they do, thank you.

QB: Russell Wilson (320 points) (26.7 per game average).

The man that makes the Seahawks entire team actually work.  He started off slow and then by the time that Watson came around Wilson showed him up and has been on a tear ever since.  Ory drafted Wilson 80th overall and retained him all year.

RB: Todd Gurley II (247 points) (20.6 per game average).

Todd Gurley II had a disappointing season last year under Jeff Fisher's Rams team.  Sean McVay has changed everything for him and now he is a consistent top option week in week out.  Ory drafted Gurley 17th overall and then traded him to Nic.

WR: Antonio Brown (269 points) (22.4 per game average)

Antonio Brown is the man, it's clear and it will remain clear as long as Big Ben is in town.  The emergence of JuJu and the decline of Ben threatened to make him just above average, but it was clearly overblown as he has continued to produce.  Nic drafted Brown 3rd overall and retained him all year.

TE: Travis Kelce (188 points) (15.7 per game average)

Even as the Chiefs tailspin out of control, Kelce has still managed to be consistent.  Outside of his 1 catch 1 yard performance he has done quite a good job.  I don't have many nice things to say about him, but good job Kelce for avoiding suspension all season.  Jake drafted Kelce 44th overall and retained him all year.

D/ST: Jaguars (172 points) (14.3 per game average)

Saxonville.  No one gave them enough credit to start the season and they have shown they should have gotten it.  The last few drafts have all been defensive heavy and they've chosen well. Jaguars were drafted 186th overall by Chris Cone, then dropped, then picked up by Gary, then dropped, then picked up by Nic and held since then.

K: Greg Zuerlein (165 points) (13.8 per game average)

The one the only Greg the Leg.  This guy right here has been the rock for my team this season.  Zuerlein along with Jags defense has meant I win the bottom part of my matchup each week.  Nic added Zuerlein from free agency in September.

Week 12 Recap! (By Ory Yaslinskiy)

I’m writing this on my phone because I forgot my laptop at work. I’m currently at the hospital with my brother. Not a whole lot to update you guys, he’s still in the medically induced coma but he’s breathing more on his own everyday. Thank you all for sending me thoughts/prayers/wishes. I do believe those are all the same thing. Thanks also to Nic who runs an awesome league. It’s really a privilege to play in this league and it’s a major positive in a bummer of a time for me in life right now.

 

Thanks guys. Y’all are great in life and some in fantasy football.

Okay now let’s talk some shit!!

Week 12 was the week when the jokers separated themselves from the real deals. I say themselves because you really have no one else to blame besides your poor selection, poor roster management, and injuries. Ok the last one is not your fault and is probably the 1 reason why so many teams are just so Gawd awful. (Alex your team is awful but you some how just won’t die.) This Year will probably be known for Zekes suspension saga and injuries. Here are some numbers:

40% of all NFL rosters are currently injured (as of week 12)

50% of all starting Qb’s are currently injured (as of week 12)

30% of all starting running back are currently injured or serving jail time/suspension time. This number is actually down from last year thanks to Jamal Charles not being a starter this year.

50% of all starting wide receivers are currently injured or somewhere out on a boat with OBJ and the rest of the giants WR’s.

The above stats are all made up by the author. This is fake news.

Ok I might have fudged those numbers up a bit but I’m sure I’m not too far off because each one of us has been hit with a major injury or suspension.

All these injuries might also be the reason less people are tuning in to the games. (hmmmm 🤔)

This upcoming weeks starting Qb’s include:

Ryan (the brain) Fitzpatrick, Blain Gabbert, Geno Smith, Tom Savage and Brett Hundley. I’m at half mast just writing this. (I’m a lover of the backup Qb, my team sure plays like one.) I would not be surprised if Charlie Batch is still around somewhere...

To summarize: it’s been an absolute shit show with injuries this year.

Okay let’s move on to the fantasy football top performers as of week 12: (these numbers are accurate if you think espn is accurate.)

Top 3 Qb’s

1. Russel Wilson 255.3 points. Everyone doubted me when I used my 5th round pick (don’t quote me on this) on Wilson but I believed in him. The reason being is that he’s no longer having Christian Sex. Now he’s having full on skin to skin contact with occasional penetration. The inner freak is released and all of the sexual tension is gone. He’s a good football player now.

2. Carson Wentz 237.6 points. Not only is Wentz on Schedule to win this year's Best QB award.. er MVP award he’s also dethroned Andy Dalton as the best ginger to play the game. I hope his streak continues and he becomes the best ginger athlete of all time. The ginger community could really use this because Ed Sheeran is a baby back bitch. You know it. I know it.

3. Tom Brady 231.4 points. Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady.

Top 3 Rb’s:

1. Todd Gurley 238.4 points. I regret the day I traded him and will forever curse the day I clicked accept trade. I blame my mental health on that trade and not Nic. Going in I thought I was adding depth to my team. I was getting the Muscle Hamster, how could he disappoint? Gurley Has been great but he still can’t sell out a stadium.

2. Le’veon Bell 224.7 points. Very predictable. Bell always starts slow but heats up as the season goes on. I truly hope that he stays healthy and wealthy. I happen to own him in a few other leagues so...

3. Alvin Kamara 217.4 points. This one surprised me because he was the #4 Rb going into the season. He’s dethroned a legend and I think this time next year he will be the clear starter for the Saints. Sorry Ingram.

14. Jordan Howard 137.8 points scored.

69. Doug Martin. I was too lazy to scroll down and figure out what # he is but I’m sure he’s down there towards the bottom.

Top 3 WR’s

1. Antonio Brown 249.5 points. This guy... idk what to say about him that hasn’t already been said... he’s good. He’s open a lot, he catches all of the balls, he’s got dumb ol Ben throwing to him. That’s a recipe for success any week any matchup.

2. DeAndre Hopkins 223.4 points. He’s back and averaging a whopping 16.6 ppg. .. I think thats a bit low for the #2 WR but have no time to compare his stats to other players in previous years. He’s #2 on this list and in my heart.

3. Julio Jones 189.4 points. Aside from last week, I think Julio is underperforming this year. Could be the Super Bowl nerves or it could be an injury. I don’t own him so I don’t know. Jared, thoughts?

 

 

POWER RANKINGS!!!!!!!!!

 

1. 9-3    12 Bar Bruisers. (Nic) I rank him above all others because his team is great and he’s doing a stellar job GM’ing his team. He traded Howard and Martin for Gurley with some sorry sap.

2. 9-2-1 Dog Don’t mind. (Jared) Even though you have a better win percentage I rank you #2 because you need a new team name also you tied. Unacceptable.

3. 8-4 Mixon Up Her Face (Yuriy) I keep waiting for you to come out with Sexual Abuse Allegations against Val but this year you’re doing the abusing. Good on you.

4. 7-5 Stafford Turkey Hole. (Alex) Pick a name and stick with it and… WHY DON’T YOU DIE?!! Your team is fucked on paper but somehow you pull it off every week. I’m the Russians are somehow involved…

5. 6-6 Dicksons Bells (Matt) It was this time last year that you started heating up thanks to a certain Redskins running back… Doesn’t look to be the same this year though… Pour one out for thompson.

6. 
   
   

   6-6 Don Shons underdogs (Jake) Another name referencing a dog.. Another mediocre team.. Your 2 TE sets are the death of you but I like your determination.

7. 5-7 Runs’n Throwses (Ory) I need some of that Recovery water! I think im the Tony Romo of this league. Pretty good and occasionally makes a huge mistake and always falls short. Maybe I can trade Wilson for 2 lesser Qb’s…

8. 5-6-1 GreenBowl Packers (Val) You’re ranked below me because you tied. That's unacceptable. Товарищ, тебе нужно больше стараться. никогда не сдавайся. Россия нуждается тебе. Сука блят.

9. 5-7 Duke Nukem (Andrew) You probably don’t deserve to be here but please understand that I could not put you above me or sandwich you in between 2 smelly slavs. So i'm doing you a favor.

10. 4-8 Rip Lips (Oscar) Well.. At least you can snow Fish in Illinois? Your team seriously underperformed. Maybe take an early fishing trip and forget to set your lineup this week?

11. 3-9 Run N Hyde (Daniel) You’re just unlucky. You have a solid team. I don’t know how you have the worst record. What did you do to Lady Luck?

12. 4-8 Fresno Facecleaters (Chris) Your team reminds me of Charlie Brown being set up by Lucy. You drafted questionably but somehow you produced some results. In the end you kick your own face. At least you’re not the Browns..

 

 

 

Weekly Matchups.

 

 

Staffords Turkey Hole VS Runs’N Throwses 119 - 104 This Game was like the Thursday Night MAC showdown. Western Michigan VS Kent State. Two former MAC Powerhouses exchanging blows for 4 quarters. The MAC (Mid Atlantic Conference) Is like the plucky underdog of college football. It’s late and im tired and I know that this reference isn’t funny but neither is the MAC.

 

GreenBowl Packers VS Duke Nukem. 102 - 80. Another sexy score line. They say that the For reallz guys league is a copy cat league. Val started 2 TE’s in a homage to Jake. that proved to be the difference in this ugly game. In the end, Andrew could not keep his tight end shut and was reamed by Val.

 

Donseans Underdawgs Vs Mixon up Her face 130 - 153. The Matchup of the Master and the Grasshopper. Jake was kind enough to impart some of his draft day wisdom onto Yuriy who only used it to destroy the wise old saje.

 

Dog Don’t Mind VS Rip Lips 156 - 106. Jared is flying high after this win. Clinching the division and a playoff spot all thanks to Julio Jones’s monster game. Some luck. Oscar could not keep up with the joneses and was eliminated from the playoff picture.   

 

 

Fresno Face Cleaters VS Run N Hyde 114 - 147. Daniel finally got a WIN! And charlie once again kicked himself in the face. Congrats on the win Daniel. See you in the consolation bracket, where the people's champion will be decided.

 

 

GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!

 

This one was submited by Yuriy who texted me:

 

 

Thanks for letting me do this Nic. Thanks to Yuriy for his contribution.

Week 11 Recap!

No real musings here, for the most part I'm certain that you know how to feel about the current season, and instead of reiterating that I'm just gonna jump into the meatier more relevant part of this post.

PLAYOFF PICTURE WITH 2 WEEKS LEFT

1. Jared Grube (8-2-1) BYE
2. Nic Meyer (8-3) BYE
3. Yuriy Yedinak (7-4) VS Alex Gomez
4. Jake Yorke (6-5) VS Matt Burke
5. Matt Burke (6-5) VS Jake Yorke
6. Alex Gomez (6-5) VS Yuriy Yedinak

Now the immediate takeaway from just this list is that you need at least 6 wins possible to make the playoffs.  That unfortunately immediately eliminates D Smith from playoff contention.  Remember though that winner of the consolation bracket gets two names in the draft pick choice hat next year, so stay frosty my man and don't give any free wins make em work for it.

Second take, if you have 4 wins you're gonna need to win out and have a lot of other people losing.  You're also going to need to win a tie breaker for points scored.  This is an uphill battle to the extreme, but it isn't impossible.  That means Val, Cone, and Oscar if you lose you're out.  If your team can't find a way to score well you're out.  Good luck.   

Third take, teams with 5 wins control your own destiny to an extent.  Last week was really the most important game for Ory and Andrew.  But that's not to say hope is lost.  Think of it this way guys, you win out and you can make it in as long as you score more points than the 6 win teams and they lose 1 game.  Ory I know you can outscore Alex, but you gotta stop talking yourself out of it.  You'll also have to beat Jared but whatever you can do that.  Andrew you just have to beat me and Val and hope Matt loses to me.  

Everyone else, it's super simple for you.  Just win enough that you've won 8 games duh.

GAME RECAPS (simplified version)

Chris Cone versus Yuriy Yedinak

Chris:  in a must win week Fournette played with your heart and could have lost you that game.  If you had played Leo Four and Wallace over Ivory and Benjamin you would have won, although I'm sure you felt that.  Good luck, and don't lose again.

Yuriy:  Not that it matters but lol, Drake sucked for you this week.  Talk about fools gold dude.

Yuriy wins 130-111

Oscar Meyer versus Alex Gomez

Oscar: dad, I'm going to apologize now because I know you're paying attention and I know you've figured this out but the loss this week really puts you in a tough spot.  There's not really better plays you could have made, and I think 90% of the season could be coughed up to losing Beckham but that might be a cop out.  You need to win out and score at least 100 more than Alex, that's 50 more a week (math). 

Alex: you better win man, which in all fairness you've been accomplishing that.  I would guess that the Benjamin injury hurts you but uh, it probably doesn't.  I will let you know that your playoff spot is the easiest to grab due to PF so make all the best decisions.

Alex wins 115-93

Jake Yorke versus Daniel Smith

Jake:  the second highest score of the week and it could have been the highest if Perine was ahead of White on your squad.  Your late season resurgence has put you in the playoffs and I bet that feels good.  Good luck against Yuriy dude.

Daniel:  I won't tell you too much, that Dak game stunk but even playing Ryan would not have hurt but instead of -2 you would have 20.  Kamara has been killing it too.

Jake wins 154-111

Ory Yaslinskiy versus Jared Grube

Ory:  bad week for such a harsh bye week for you.  I'm sorry Doug Martin is letting you down but I think the real issue lies in that WR corp you got there. Aside from Evans it's gotten pretty nasty, if you have a move to make I'd make it now get yourself a little shot in the arm at WR.

Jared:  third highest score of the week and still holding on to that first seed.  You better not lose though....

Jared beats Ory 151-103

Andrew Gomez versus Matt Burke

Andrew:  the Crow was a land mine that took a long time to blow up.  If you had played either Denver RB over Crowell you would have won, now you're coming from behind.  Look it may seem tough to make it but we've seen a bunch crazier stuff and your team has been pretty good.  Good luck though man.

Matt:  you're back in the playoffs and you beat the most important person you had to beat.  Keep it up however you can, and RIP Chris Thompson.

Matt wins 116-111

Valeriy Shishkin versus Nic Meyer

Val:  you got destroyed by the highest score of the week, and now you need to win out and absolutely hope that certain things happen in your favor.  Best of luck.

Nic: 💵💵💵💵

Nic wins 157-102

POWER RANKINGS 

1. Nic Meyer (8-3 1424 PF) (previously 1)

2. Yuriy Yedinak (7-4 1364 PF) (previously 2)

3. Jared Grube (8-2-1 1460 PF) (previously 3)

4. Matt Burke (6-5 1304 PF) (previously 4)

5. Jake Yorke (6-5 1364 PF) (previously 6)

6. Andrew Gomez (5-6 1314 PF) (previously 7)

7. Alex Gomez (6-5 1232 PF) (previously 9)

8. Orest Yaslinskiy (5-6 1284 PF) (previously 5)

9. Chris Cone (4-7 1243 PF) (previously 8)

10. Oscar Meyer (4-7 1143 PF) (previously 10)

11. Val Shishkin (4-6-1 1172 PF) (previously 11)

12. Daniel Smith (2-9 1321!!!! PF) (previously 12)

Week 10 Recap!

So week 10 started off super slow, and then it kinda stayed that way.  Val had a pretty good week, but almost everyone else was average to below average.  Shout out to the top 3 teams all losing in their matchups this week, meaning that all the teams near the bottom of the standings move a step down.  

This week will be another short week for the write up as honestly most of the games I saw were just terribly boring.  Seahawks/Cardinals no one really cares about, Colts/Steelers was dumb and Smith Schuster is the bane of my fantasy team, Packers/Bears was two teams that can't play well learning hatred for the refs and themselves one play at a time (although the challenge the Bears did that lost them possession was hilarious), Cowboys/Falcons proved to everyone that Dallas still isn't actually good, Patriots/Broncos was a snooze fest that should have ended once Brady left (seriously screw you Cooks), and I didn't even watch the Monday night fish fest.  Any week the Raiders don't play is a dumb week.

There isn't going to be any fancy sections tonight, but I will say this: the rest of your season is now all against your divisional opponents so be prepared, these weeks can make or break your playoff run, especially with the wildcard chase so tight.  Only one team can lose out, and that also means only one tea, can win out.  Good luck to everyone in the other two divisions, no comment on those players in mine.

GAME RECAPS

Jared Grube versus Chris Cone

Jared:  a brutal bye week for you was met with the most likely of outcomes, a loss to Chris.  Wentz, Cooper, Hunt, Hill and Philly D were all out and a result you had a losing week.  Not particularly a shocking development.  What might hurt more is the Elliott suspension actually taking place and Morris doing next to nothing and playing less snaps than Rod Smith.  Could be worse, you could have McFadden who logged all of 1 snap.  I won't go into huge detail because again you lost by 5 in a week where your whole team was essentially on bye.

Chris:  Brady, Fitzgerald, Thielen, and Hooper.  That is why you won.  The rest of your team did not do anything worthwhile.  Jacksonville RBs were killed this week and did absolutely nothing whatsoever, Denver D is not looking good and surprisingly Ginn doesn't do well when Brees barely throws the ball.  You got a win over the first place team (something only me and you have done Chris!) though and that will help you stay right in the playoff race.  So overall a pretty positive week for you.

Cone wins 112-107

Alex Gomez versus Yuriy Yedinak

Alex: where did this Ingram come from?  Dude could not be tackled even though he has three defenders hanging onto him the whole time.  3 damn TDs! Smith Schuster is being a jerk and just taking all the passes in that dumb Pittsburg offense, and mysteriously Abdullah managed to score again, so he's been alright. Your team actually looks alive and DJ just got his cast off, hell if I know how it works but you better hope the Saints keep scoring 6 rushing TDs each week.

Yuriy:  Austin Ekeler is stealing all the Gordon touches and Freeman got injured before getting any points.  Luckily you have the backups, but does Ekeler crack your lineup?  Marqise Lee and Drake are looking like great pickups, and Hopkins keeps doing his thing so you're only slightly becoming in trouble in your division.  You've got a 1 game lead over Jake and a 2 game lead over Cone, with only 3 games left you're in a good spot but at the same time, there's enough games left to cause some problems. 

Alex wins 144-97

Daniel Smith versus Matt Burke

Daniel: we talked about this man, you had to win out!  I'm only gonna say one thing to you regarding your players and it's something that I'm sure you've felt since about 1:30pm on Sunday, you should not have played Buffalo.  -8!  That's one of the worst things I've ever seen in fantasy.  If you had left the spot blank or played Minnesota you would have definitely won the game.  So, think about that, and I'm sorry.  Hope most teams stay below 5 wins.

Matt:  are you like the QB whisperer?  First Watson now Goff.  You had some holes in your lineup, and Miller losing so many carries to Freeman must be something somewhat painful, but somehow you end up having a solid week strictly on the back of yourQB while the rest of your team puts up decent if not boring scores.  Take boring though, it's winning you games.  

Matt wins 120-115

Oscar Meyer versus Andrew Gomez

Oscar: Peterson literally has 21 attempts and only put up 2 points.  I've heard that's the worst usage to points ratio ever but I have nothing to confirm that.  If it's any consolation though, they say he does better after having more rest and Thursday to Sunday is a lot of extra rest and the Cardinals look like they're happy feeding him carries no matter what is happening.  Really your team didn't look too bad on a week where not much scoring was happening, but I know it feels bad to get best by exactly the amount the QB you once owned out up.  Also Adrian Peterson, Jamaal Charles, and Marshawn Lynch are your RBs if this had been even 3 years ago that would have been the most insane line up ever.

Andrew:  you know, I'm bad with QBs and of course when I drop Cam Newton he puts up 43 stupid points and Taylor puts up 2.  Enjoy it while you're y can, Cam is a weird guy and this season he's been playing more erratic than a QB that is in a commercial promoting children's health right after he makes sexist comments in a press conference.  Or in other words he's playing as erratic as he is playing. Playing both Cleveland RBs somehow worked for you, despite that sounding like the absolute worst idea anyone has ever had, and Diggs looked good.  Definitely a nice week for your squad that helps you greatly, but for you to pass me up you need me to lose out.  I don't plan on it so you better beat Matt.

Andrew wins 145-102

Orest Yaslinskiy versus Valeriy Shishkin

Ory:  you got punked by Val, and at this point I have to be honest and tell you that Martin and Howard each putting up 5 killed you.  It's a shame too because when Cunningham was down at the 1 there was a huge chance that Howard would have scored a TD but instead of all that noise, Fox challenged and ended up losing his own possession and looking like an idiot on an incredibly weird play.  Goodwin scoring 16 points on 1 catch is ludcirous and Tate has been hot fire.  Try not to lose many more though because the guys are gaining on you.  

Val:  Murray, Woods, Shepard and Sanders were all basically the top plays of the week,  Jones is out for a nut so that might have hurt.  What I'd really like to say is that I know you were feeling incredibly confident after that game about your team, but know this to get up to your average yearly win total you have to win out so don't screw this up.  Or do actually, I really hope you do.

Val wins 159-115

Jake Yorke versus Nic Meyer

Jake:  Graham send the tone and Cooks made it all some dumbass bullshit.  HOW CAN THEY TAKE OUT EVERY STARTER EXCEPT HIM?  Look I don't mind losing unless it's Brian Hoyer throwing stupid passes in a game for the Pats when they're up over 20 with 3 minutes left.  Ugh.  Good for you man.

Nic:  I dropped Cam Newton and this is exactly how QBs work for me.  That's why I don't like them. 🎱

Jake wins 109-105

POWER RANKINGS

1. Nic Meyer (7-3 1267 PF) (previously 2)

2. Yuriy Yedinak (6-4 1260 PF) (previously 1)

3.  Jared Grube (7-2-1 1309 PF) (previously 3)

4. Matt Burke (5-5 1188 PF) (previously 4)

5. Orest Yaslinskiy (5-5 1181 PF) (previously 5)

6. Jake Yorke (5-5 1210 PF) (previously 6)

7. Andrew Gomez (5-5 1203 PF) (previously 7 )

8. Chris Cone (4-6 1132 PF) (previously 9)

9. Alex Gomez (5-5 1117 PF) (previously 8)

10. Oscar Meyer (4-6 1050 PF) (previously 10)

11. Valeriy Shishkin (4-5-1 1070 PF) (previously 12)

12. Daniel Smith (2-8 1210 PF) (previously 11)

Week 9 Recap,

The Another terribly low scoring week, and if it weren't for the byes I'd say that the NFL this year has something of an offense problem.  Hell, even so I'd say it does.  How many good offenses are there in the NFL, much less ones sustaining players well enough to be consistent impacts in fantasy football? Chiefs, Patriots, Steelers, Seahawks, Rams, Cowboys, Eagles, Saints, Falcons (maybe), and Lions.  That's the only ones I can truly believe off the top of my head, and even a couple of those are iffy.  Of course many other teams have players that are mostly consistent, but I'm seriously wondering if the days of having super consistent 10+ players in every slot are over.  Maybe they never actually existed.  But if you want more proof you don't have to look much further than the scores this week.  5 teams under 100 points, a high score of 147, and a lot of 120-135s.  I'm not complaining cause I'm winning, but you know, I miss some of those ridiculously high scores.  

TOP 5

QB

1. Carson Wentz (231 points)
• Dude just beat down the Donkeys, so I'm a fan.  Eagles said naw to the no-fly zone because they're Eagles and god made them free like Americans.  He's on his bye now, but even in his bye week he'll still be free, majestically gracing our country.
2. Alex Smith (216 points)
• What really gets lost in all the drama that the NFL has become is that the Redskins aren't the only racist team in the sport.  No, we have the Chiefs (and some would argue the Dolphins, I will not).  In charge of the Chiefs team is one code named "Walrus" and some Mormon white supremacist named Alex Smith (son of John Smith last I heard).  He's clearly number two through nefarious means, and my intel shows this week he's laying low in some seedy BBQ shack West of the Mississippi.
3. Russell Wilson (207 points)
• Remember when Russ and Kaep were both in a Madden commercial?  Neither do Seahawks fans, as they were still in diapers when that happened.  My guess is Russ wouldn't remember either as every time he gets hit in the head instead of seeking medical attention he just chugs a Miracle Water and thinks about Ciara's Goodies and then goes out and gets hit in the head again.  
4. Deshaun Watson (203 points)
• 
  
5. Dakota Prescott (203 points)
• The only thing more insulting then this current Cowboys team is the fact that America bought John Wayne as a real cowboy in a fake setting enough times that his spoiled ass became the caricature of what was truly a hard and courageous archetype of the early American West.  John Wayne probably didn't even know how to ride a horse.

RB

1. Todd Gurley II (179 points)
• The Rams were the third most watched show in LA, right after Law and Order SVU and Perry Mason reruns.  The anonymity of being a LA running back is really what fuels Gurley.
2. Kareem Hunt (171 points)
• At first "Walrus" was happy to show off his RB, it made his organization seem friendly and accepting of diversity, but as time has worn on Hunt's usage has dwindled. Coincidence?  No way, Ancient Aliens.
3. Ezekiel Elliott (164 points)
• Is he pretending to get fed after every play that he's ever ran?  Or is he winding up for the next imaginary punch to his SO.  I admit, that's going too far, just like all his suspension drama has been.
4. Le'Veon Bell (153 points)
• Fresh off a bye week and 7 joints (that's 1 per day off) Bell will once again grace us with his presence and out undo stress onto his coworkers at Dairy Queen when he once again calls out sick on Sunday.
5. Melvin Gordon (146 points)
• Repeat what I said about Gurley and then make it more sad because he plays for the Chargers.

WR

1. Deandre Hopkins (164 points)
• I don't know what's more awesome about Hopkins, the fact that he can actually catch something from Tom Savage or the fact that his nickname Nuk is because he really liked Nuk brand pacifiers as a child.  Oh yeah I do.
2. Antonio Brown (156 points)
• Brown spent his bye week arguing with Big Ben about what makes up a pelvic thrust and how many pumps are too many, spoilers Big Ben won that argument.
3. Tyreek Hill (126 points)
• The only reason "Walrus" accepts this guy is because he finished his initiation in college by committing to a terrible franchise via DV.  That's not a joke, Tyreek is the worst.
4. Jarvis Landry (120 points)
• Jarvis Landry and Jay a Cutler is a more boring couple than William H Macy and Felicity Huffman.  Seriously though, it's because William H. Macy is a badass.
• 
5. Doug Baldwin/Larry Fitzgerald (119 points)
• To think Andrew could have had both and at the time we thought he made a good trade hahahaha.  Seriously though, they alright and Larry is like a college grad now so good for him, his life can truly take off.

TE

1. Travis Kelce (141 points)
• They call him Baby Gronk but only because "Walrus" recognized that Baby Trump was too obvious.
2. Zach Ertz (126 points)
• He literally Ertz now, get it?
3. Rob Gronkowski (112 points)
• I'm not making any jokes or inappropriate comments about Gronk.
4. Jack Doyle (99 points)
• I'll take a Brissett sandwich with some extra Doyle on top thank you.  
5. Evan Engram (97 points)
• He shares his initials with Ezekiel Elliott and Eli Emanning.  That's his best trait when asked in interviews.

IF THE PLAYOFFS BEGAN TODAY

1. Jared (1st round bye)
2. Nic (1st round bye)
3. Yuriy (vs Matt)
4. Ory (vs Jake)
5. Jake (vs Ory)
6. Matt (vs Jake)

That's right, Matt has snuck his way back into playoff contention.  Jake too, and even 3 weeks ago that would have felt laughable.  During work today I did a bit of math, and figured out some interesting things I thought I would share about possible playoff spots.

• If Alex, Chris, Val, or Oscar lose 1 more game they cannot possibly win their division through wins alone. 
• Everyone will play their division rivals 1 more time, meaning only 1 team in each division can possibly lose out (not including ties). 
• Everyone except for D Smith can potentially win their division still through winning out (although you'd need some help).
• So D Smith, because your birthday was last night I've made a nice compiled list for you to gander at to help you figure out who you're rooting for.
• You need to win out for 6-7
• You need Yuriy to win each divisional week that isn't against you.
• Matt, Alex, and Andrew need to lose 3 out of 4.
• Val needs to beat Andrew and Matt, but lose the rest of his games.
• Jared and Ory have to win against Alex and Oscar.  Their game doesn't matter to you.
• Chris has to beat Jake then lose to Yuriy and yourself.
• But you cannot simply win your division through wins alone.

Good luck DSmith, for the rest of you just focus on winning for now or else you might be the next focus of this section.

GAME RECAPS

Christopher Cone versus Valeriy Shishkin

Chris:  nice win man, even with the surprise healthy scratch from Leo Four and the terrifying need to trust Eli Manning of all people, you did it.  You could have played Watson over a Hooper but eh, a wins a win and you pulled this one through.  Grate on beating down Val without your best player Tom Brady.

Val:  Ajayi and Murray are looking like a season long curse man.  You got the two RBs that you can't sit but you also can't reliably get points from.  You also happen to have Jones and Stills who are clearly only going to throw up points when you don't play them.  Can you trust Woods now?  With Cook and Ertz both on bye next week, what're you gonna do for a TE?  Are you gonna keep playing Dalton (don't do that to yourself).  Good luck dude.

Chris wins 94-89

Oscar Meyer versus Yuriy Yedinak

Dad:  that's the week I knew would happen with Peterson, Lynch and Parker all at once, I just didn't think it would take so long for it to happen.  That was a hugely solid week, and the only player that score under 10 for you was Ole Smokey John Brown.  Maclin is looking like a good pick up, and you bested the second best team in the league.  Now you need to make serious noise to make the playoffs so there is no off week for you, but this is a good start.

Yuriy: I won't lie to you and tell you I wasn't hoping for this, you've got a pretty darn good team and I needed you to drop a game for me to get a chance at that first round bye, and it happened.  Byes clearly hurt you as you had a serious week spot in your team starting right after M. Lee.  I'm glad Savage is still throwing to stupid Hawkins instead of a Fuller though :(. Anyway I know you're going to get Keenan and Melvin back so I'm not too excited nor worried if I'm you.

Oscar beats Yuriy 129-118.

Andrew Gomez versus Alex Gomez

The clash of the brothers leads to one of the lowest scoring games of the season.

Andrew:  you played Blair Walsh on his PTSD game, and you win.  GG.  Since Cook has been gone your RB situation is one step lower than hot garbage, and it's more like a smoldering dumpster fire.  I mean, CJ and Yeldon?  I had Yeldon all of last year and only started him once and that was before Leo Four got there.  Your TEs did pretty good, but man there's some problems there and I don't know if you can solve them quickly and easily.  

Alex:  Ingram is losing work to Kamara plain and simple.  Demaryius Thomas actually had a good game and you stilll lost under 100 points this week.  I recognize you've had a hard going this season,  good news is if you had played Samuel over Snead you would have won, feel great ruminating on that.

Andrew wins 93-89

Jake Yorke versus Jared Grube

Jake:  your QB situation really came to a head this week in the absolute worst way possible.  If you haven't seen it yet I strongly recommend trying to find Winstons pregame warmup speech.  It's hilariously bad.  McCoy and Winston easily were what killed you and thrust you right back into the hunt with everyone else.  

Jared:  if it's not one thing it's another, and Wentz is really doing work for you.  At this point if Elliott is suspended he's going to miss the playoffs, and that might really hurt with Hunt becoming mortal once again.  You win but that Julio drop most really hurt, he just can't be elite even if he wants to.  Other than that I don't know what to tell you, you know what you have in these guys and the surprises that you'll get week to week.

Jared wins 134-112.

Matt Burke versus Orest Yaslinskiy 

Matt:  well I guess Goff filled in nicely for Watson eh?  You seem to be pretty damn good at picking out the QB on the wire to play, but was this a product of the randomly large TY Hilton game or was this the product of a team that's ready to make a run at the playoffs?  I won't deny that you can win, you've done it, but I will say I'm a bit doubtful of the consistency your team might have.  

Ory:  anything TB touched died, and it died hard.  That was a pretty rough game for your squad, and Evans is gonna suffer from it twice now it appears.  ASJ got another TD stolen from him, but at least you didn't play J-Stew.  You've got a pretty good squad, and this might be your worst bye week so there's a cushion built .

Matt wins 147-93.

Nic Meyer versus Daniel Smith

Nic: 🍻🗣🥊

Daniel:  happy belated birthday dude!!!  I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, if Forte had been in your lineup you would have won.  Instead I'm gonna be happy about my good fortune.  That 1pm game block when you were down 50 was ridiculous though and by far my least favorite feeling in fantasy, watching a lead wither away.  In other news, you probably also could have won if Hyde and Green didn't get themselves ejected.  I had a lot going for me. 

Nic wins 135-125

POWER RANKINGS

1.  Yuriy Yedinak (6-3 1163 PF) (previously 1)

2. Nic Meyer (7-2 1162 PF) (previously 3)

3. Jared Grube (7-1-1 1202 PF) (previously 2)

4. Matt Burke (4-5 1068 PF) (previously 8)

5. Orest Yaslinskiy (5-4 1066 PF) (previously 4)

6. Jake Yorke (4-5 1101 PF) (previously 5)

7. Andrew Gomez (4-5 1058 PF) (previously 7)

8. Alex Gomez (4-5 973 PF) (previously 6)

9. Chris Cone (3-6 1020 PF) (previously 10)

10. Oscar Meyer (4-5 948 PF) (previously 12)

11. Daniel Smith (2-7 1095 PF) (previously 9)

12. Valeriy Shishkin (3-5-1 911 [NEVER FORGET] PF) (previously 12)

Best of luck to you guys in week 10!

Week 8 Recap!

Really a pretty down week, probably due to bad QB play potentially caused by the storm, but it was a week and as such there are winners and losers.  At this point there are 5 regular season games left in fantasy, so you've got to start making them count.  This week marks the second to last big bye week (the last being week 11) and now all of a sudden we will probably get much more clarity on who the good teams are.

Also, hey trade deadline.  What did you do to Ajayi?!  Kelvin Benjamin is now one of the Bills?  He just switched from Verizon to T-Mobile. Duane Brown's on the Seahawks now and he sounds like a character from Blaxploitation movies.  Jeanine is reunited in SF with her brother Jimmy Garropolo.  Maybe, just maybe that means a few more offenses can actually produce something worthy of calling it a fantasy start.  I'm a bit hesitant to say it's for sure, but that's the way of the road.

TOP 5:

QB

1. Deshaun Watson (29 PPG)
• Well he wrecked Seattle and still lost, but this season for him looks magical.  He reminds me of RG3 in his crazy rookie season, only his weapons and supporting cast are even better.  He's making those around him look better and he's breaking records.  For the first time in as long as I can remember the whole Texans offense looks amazing, not just Arian Foster.
2. Russell Wilson (25.9 PPG)
• 4 weeks above 30, and 3 weeks below 20.  He's kind of a boom/bust QB and luckily he's boomed a lot.  The roofs the ceiling for this guy, and he's in the infamous second half Seahawks offense now so he could keep it going.  It's crazy to me because they don't even have the semblance of a running game right now and somehow that's working for dangeRuss.
3. Carson Wentz (25.0 PPG)
• Dudes been pretty consistent and is on a tear.  He's literally in MVP talks right now, and it's only his second year.  He's doing right now what I had truly hoped Derek Carr could have done this year.  I am curious to see how Ajayi changes his game, they might feed him and it might hurt his production a bit if their RBs start scoring TDs.
4. Alex Smith (24.4 PPG)
• I still don't trust this guy.  Too many years of being mediocre to suddenly put up this stuff.  They're kinda in a downward trajectory but their start was so hot it would be unbelievable if it was any other way.  They did lose to the Raiders though and that team is garbage (admittedly Smith scored 31 points in that loss).
5. Dak Prescott (23.9 PPG)
• He scored 6 points last week and he still has the 5th highest average point per game.  Zeke is gone now (or is he?) so we can probably expect more passing, but will the opposing defenses respect that?  Beasley is probably out this week too due to a head injury, so potentially a huge game by Dez or even maybe Terrance Williams.  Maybe even the whole offense falls apart, without Zeke as that main dog it's hard to be super excited about him.

Note, PPG = Points Per Game.  I'm doing it this way now because of all the byes that have happened, I probably should have before but eh you live and you learn.

RB

1. Todd Gurley II (22.3 PPG)
• I'm happy to once again own the Gurley.  His usage and importance to that team cannot be overstated.  He was on bye last week so not a huge amount to say, but he's had a good year.  Hopefully the rough stretch upcoming isn't too bad.
2. Ezekiel Elliott (21.3 PPG)
• Well, RIP.  Or not.  Who the heck knows.  
3. Kareem Hunt (20.3 PPG)
• His hot start has slowed down considerably, and he put up less than 10 points in a week for the first time.  It was against Denver so eh, not the end of the world.  His slowing down is still pretty damn good numbers though, and seems to be closer to what may have been expected when drafting.
4. Le'Veon Bell (19.1 PPG)
• His usage is unreal.  That Steelers offense is literally backyard ball with Ben, Bell and Brown, they get used like crazy.  Every once and a while another guy shows off but seriously, Bell hasn't even been hugely efficient with his touches, he just gets a whole heck of a lot.
5. Melvin Gordon (18.3 PPG)
• Well when you bust out the biggest run that Belichick has ever seen you probably deserve a spot here.  Gordon can be huge, but he's also had some really really cold weeks.  You can't be mad at his production up to this point though.

WR

1. DeAndre Hopkins (20.6 PPG)
• Seriously, if Watson can keep it up I don't know why Hopkins couldn't.  He's shown off his skill before and Watson is consistently showing his, so really this could again be his year.
2. Antonio Brown (19.5 PPG)
• Does JuJu hurt him?  It looked that way last week, but really I'm not certain he does.  Maybe they won't be able to bracket him as much?  We know Brown by now, so doesn't see, to be much more to say.
3. AJ Green (16.3 PPG)
• Honestly I hadn't thought he had been quite this good.  Turns out he has had 2 big weeks and a bunch of okay weeks.  He isn't consistently winning D Smith games (clearly haha), but it also isn't really fair to say he's losing the, for you either.
4. Mike Evans (15.9 PPG)
• His worst game was by far his easiest defense, NE.  Despite the feeling that he's been disappointing he really hasn't.  Pretty consistent, and kinda regardless of Winston being good or not.
5. Larry Fitzgerald (15.3 PPG)
• I can't say I see anyway that he keeps it up with Drew Stanton, I mean Stanton is pretty bad.  They do go against SF though so he'll probably score 38 points.

TE

1. Zach Ertz (15.8 PPG)
• His new range is 13-19.  That shit is ridiculous.  It's inhumanly consistent.  
2. Travis Kelce (15.1 PPG) 
• Baby Gronk kilt Denver.  I'm still not a fan of this guy so no good words.

3.  Rob Gronkowski (14 PPG)

• That week off doesn't help him, but Gronk does smash bro.

4. Cameron Brate (13.3 PPG)

• Much like Alex Smith he's fighting to keep his job from a newfangled rookie and he's really doing it pretty well.  

5.  Evan Engram (11.4 PPG)

• He's the rookie sensation you do want. As Eli Mannings only true target, he has been able to show off his skill and actually do something unique:  put up points as a rookie TE.  

GAME RECAPS

Valeriy Shishkin versus Jake Yorke

Val:  Eddie Lacy dude, that's a killer.  Ajayi gets another bye week, so sorry for that.  Crowder showed up, but of course he's on your bench.  You didn't really have a bad game, but there wasn't anyway you were going to beat Jake unfortunately.  You are dropping dangerously low in w-l so be careful.  3-4-1 you don't need to win out, but you've got to win at least 6 to get in, that's 3 outta 5 man.

Jake:  you pulled off a win!  When McCoy is alive your team is alive, and your TEs actually seemed like good choices this week back to back.  4-4 and suddenly you're looking pretty strong in this late season push man.

Jake Yorke wins 144-110

Daniel Smith versus Jared Grube

Daniel: you are not having any luck man.  If you had played Matt Ryan this week you would have won.  Mind you I recognize that this is the opposite of what I said last week, and thus this is your season defined.  Good luck man, your team isn't bad at all, and I hope I best you this week but I won't be surprised if you do well.  

Jared:  222.  222.  222.  Philly D, Wentz, and Elliott carried you and Elliott is going away for a long time.  You've done pretty good for yourself so there's probably no reason to panic, except maybe Julio isn't that great this year and Cooper is Jekyll and Hyde.  I would guess, your season is going to rely on Hunt showing that his ability and point showing weren't flukes and putting something back on the board.

Jared wins 113-110

Orest Yaslinskiy versus Chris Cone

Ory:  that must have been a damn nail biter.  Right down to the last minute and you only won by two points.  Good idea not giving up ASJ as now Reed has been hamstringed again.  Wilson threw up 43 and you only scored 120 though so that's not the coolest feeling I'm certain.

Chris:  Dude your team was actual remarkable well rounded.  If Bernard had even gotten 20 yards you would have tied, even 2 catches for like 5 yards would have done it.  The Luck was not in your side man.

Ory wins 120-118

Andrew Gomez versus Yuriy Yedinak

Andrew:  Diggs is probably the real disappointment in your lineup, everyone else had somewhat hard matchups.  It was in London though so it's fishy if it's something you can trust.  Your RB situation is terrifying and getting worse with the Duke Johnson possible concussion.  Good luck man.

Yuriy:  seemed like a week where everything worked out pretty well for you.  How about that Hopkins eh?  Alex Smith over McCown wasn't a bad choice but it's really the only other thing you could have done any better.

Yuriy wins 153-110

Alex Gomez versus Matt Burke

Alex:  done did it again man, and this time it looked damn good with that 157.  Good Juju, had Juju on your side, Juju was strong, etc.  Does Benji on the Bills excite or terrify you?  I know as the owner of Tyrod I like the idea quite a bit.  Seriously though, that was a pretty good well-rounded effort from a team of ragtag misfits.

Matt:  you know that I'm going to tell you that if you played Deshaun Watson you would have won.  Trust in the breakout, enjoy the breakout.  Your team did a damn good job, you just got killed by Alex's uncanny ability to show up on game day.  Your team can still make the wildcard, and it's been pretty good lately so do your weird second half thing where you make the playoffs out of nowhere.

Alex wins 157-135

Nic Meyer versus Oscar Meyer

Nic 🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚🌝🌔🌝🌔🌝🌔🌚🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚🌚🌝🌚🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚🌝🌚

Dad:  I'm sorry Dad, that was pretty brutal. Only Robby Anderson and Jeremy Maclin even showed up.  It seems everyone else just kinda took an extra bye week and decided it wasn't really worth it.  Funchess is now a WR1 in Carolina though haha.

I win 125-77

POWER RANKINGS

1. Yuriy Yedinak (6-2 1045 PF) (previously 2)

2. Jared Grube (6-1-1 1068 PF) (previously 1)

3. Nic Meyer (6-2 1027 PF) (previously 3)

4. Orest Yaslinskiy (5-3 973 PF) (previously 4)

5. Jake Yorke (4-4 989 PF) (previously 5)

6. Alex Gomez (4-4 884 PF) (previously 10)

7. Andrew Gomez (3-5 965 PF) (previously 6)

8. Matt Burke (3-5 921 PF) (previously 7)

9. Daniel Smith (2-6 970 PF) (previously 8)

10. Chris Cone (2-6 926 PF) (previously 11)

11. Valeriy Shishkin (3-4-1 822 PF) (previously 12)

12. Oscar Meyer (2-6 819 PF) (previously 9)

Good luck guys!